[Passionaria]

Thoughts and feelings race through my mind, like the lines blurring past me on the highway. Turning the rear view mirror toward myself I catch a glimpse of what my heart is feeling, written deep beneath my eyes. I promised you no tears, and no I love you's. These two days were your gift to me, a space for us to create a luscious memory, and let go in beauty, rather than sadness and pain. And it meant the world to me, because sometimes in life we get to a point when our hearts just can't bare anymore. And I was standing right there.

So I'm going to have to Cowgirl up....... and take what I want. You see I really am a Lady, a wicked tease yes, but not usually the aggressive one. I like being chased. But this weekend, there is no time for playing the Lady like minx. Sometimes it is so confusing being a femme. Stone Butches, Lesbian Butches, Lesbian Bois, all with such different needs. You can touch this but don't go there, love me like a man, today I feel like a woman, aye! Always trying to respect boundaries, out of heartfelt care. And I am so far away from being a Stone Femme. My experience in the gay world is small and pretty limited. You are my first Lesbian boi, and I adore that you can be all take charge and nasty, then turn with the softest eyes, and need me to make love you to you like a woman. A thing I crave so intensely, and know so little about. Something so taboo before you. Sometimes when the woman in you shines through, you seem like the the most delicious piece of fruit I have ever seen, and all I want to do is devour you, lips to flesh, insatiable. But I'm so afraid I will go to far, and cross the boundaries of don't go there. Deep breath, and trust yourself. I may not know much about being a Lesbian, but I know a lot about being a woman, and I will have to trust in that. Because time, a short sweet moment in time is all I get.

It's beautiful driving through the country on highway 71. Texas, open fields and small towns with Cowboy pit stops. None of which are ready for what I am emulating, Venus, come undone. Radio blaring, my red convertible flying down the highway, I sink into the feeling of my lingerie only a few buttons from being exposed. The satin lining of my coat, brushing against my mostly bare skin, the tight wrap of elastic bands binding my flesh into seductress. It feels so naughty, and I begin weaving my spell. Deep breath into my femininity; inhibitions set free, desire percolating irresistible sensuality, creative ways to express it allowed to overflow. I know exactly what I want, my fantasies, your fantasies, unraveled across the edge of passion. And I step into my power, the power of my sexuality. Tonight there will be no languid hellos over dinner. No movies, no chit chat, no polite easing into our time together. Tonight I'm setting my lady like-ness aside, I left the princess at home, and I'm letting the bad girl in me take charge.

I hit Houston at sunset, and pull onto the street where your condo is, as dark takes over the night sky. My heart pounding, I pull to the curb for a moment to compose myself. I light a cigarette, and flip the radio dial. Switching gears from the road, to show time. As I relax back into my leather seat a song comes on the radio, I throw my head back and laugh, It's a sign from the goddess for sure.....

I grasp the attitude, pull up to your gate, then dial. The gate opens, I know where to park. I pop the trunk and you come bouncing across the parking lot like; yes I'm going to say it, like Tigger. Tall buff and bouncy. The auburn of your hair drapes just so across your piercing green eyes, with a gentle sprinkling of freckles laid against your playful smile. You have filled out since I met you, and the way your ass fits into those jeans is, well, YUM. But I hold the moment to myself, and don't let on. Instead I sink further into my power, saunter around to my trunk, and bend over to collect my bags. This coat is just short enough to reveal the tops of my stockings. And you stop dead in your tracks, taking me in. Our attraction to each other is undeniable. Don't get me wrong, my attraction to you is not merely physical. There's a tenderness in those green eyes of yours, that tells stories only being held in your arms can reveal completely. Arms that quickly find their way around my hips. I breath it in, turn to you and smile. "Damn girl, you look good" escapes your lips, before even you knew it was said. And I throw my arms around your neck, and for a moment just get lost in the warmth of you.

Tonight I am a bad girl, so I can set propriety and modesty aside. I am fine. I may not be Sophia Loren, or Grace Kelly, but I am a beautiful Scandinavian woman. My long blond hair brushes the top of my waist, and I have it styled so it poofs up, with my bangs swept to the side. I started loosing weight many months ago, high on love it think, but don't let her know that, we're not speaking of love tonight. And I've barely eaten for weeks, so my high cheek bones stand out, accentuating my big blue green eyes. No desire to eat accentuating my shape, long legs with a small waist and delicious round curvy hips, and a booty like Beyonce. There I said it out loud. For once in my life I said it. Not to hold myself in comparison to other women, but because you can't work what you don't believe in. And believe you me, I came here to work it.

I kiss you on the cheek, and whisper thank you baby, I dressed just for you. And you get that cocky "damn" look in your eyes, I can taste your curiosity. And it gets me wet. I hand you some bags to carry upstairs. Alarm set, and we're off. "What is all this stuff" you ask? I smile then giggle "you'll see" I said, and we head upstairs. Walking towards your place I think of all the times I have come to see you, and how shy and ladylike I would become when I stepped into your presents. Something I never could figure out. Almost as if this attraction would filter into nervous energy, and I would get well, unnerved. Chat and let you make all the moves. But not tonight. I take a deep breath, think of Christina's song and saunter in like the seductress I am.