[Strappie]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Strappie, thanks for posting this thread. I really related to a lot of what you said, about struggling to find one's "truth". let alone to figure out how to identify.

I am one of those women who was much older when I came out. I knew I was attracted to other women/females early on, but I had such a low self-esteem about my own sexuality, such a distorted view of what I was feeling/believing, then throw all the shame and humiliation that my family threw in along with my Church, well, it is a wonder I didn't go mad! I got married for the first time at the age of 16, mostly just to get the hell out of my horrific homelife. First marriage lasted 27 yrs, then I was into another relationship with another man. By that time, I knew inside that something was really wrong, that I was settling for something other than my truth, but I was still too scared to really face that truth. To accept that truth. To claim that truth. What would that mean to my kids and grandkids, my other bio family, my friends, my work?

Finally, the years of accepting OTHER PEOPLE'S truth instead of and for my own, wore me down. I was losing myself, almost to the point of no return.

For ME, each time that I moved towards finding and accepting my OWN truth, it was really like the proverbial peeling of the onion layer. When I met the woman who became my first partner, the feelings I experienced were like nothing I had ever felt before. And == I == felt like nothing I had ever felt before! I could breathe. I felt HOME.

There were still struggles, the latest in trying to come to terms with identifying as a Femme. (and whether someone who looked like ME, or was like ME, could even BE a Femme!) It has all been an on-going process of learning. But the really neat part is, that learning has been fascinating, has been difficult at times, has been filled with more joy than I could have ever imagined!

Places like here at the Planet have been key to that learning, for me. It is embarrasing to admit that you just don't know something, but everyone here has been so very kind and helpful. When I learn something myself, I feel almost an obligation to pass that lesson on to the next person.

Thank you, again, Strappie!

Thank you for your story. I admit when I read that article I cried. The struggles that fem's go through was so beyond my thoughts. I never knew that you all went through those things. How dumb was I to think it was a cake walk for you.

I think coming to terms with things is a life time process. I think we constantly change, a constant DISCOVERY of who we are. I know who I am but I consistently grow and tweak who I am and what I stand for.

I do know and have heard the term "I'm Home" my past partners that were str8 and came out had all said the same thing. "I'm finally home"

Thank you for sharing... I hope you can add more to the thread.