Quote:
Originally Posted by Ol' Jet
I've said before that I'm a male on the inside, fully and deeply. It was/is always terrible to feel one way and look another way. But i feel alienated in the community because it doesn't seem like others feel the same, just based on their own definition of what a trans is. I truly was born in the wrong body, and I don't know if others also feel the same or is there another driving force or impetus classify yourselves as trans.
Input? Without getting complicated or feeling like you have to be politically correct. How about we set aside the definition of trans and just talk about what you feel inside your body.
|
I think that varies from person-to-person and what experiences they have so I don't know if you'll find someone who feels exactly as you. I don't know if my "driving force" or impetus is as strong as yours (then again, I tend to be slow at decisions to ensure I don't second-guess myself down the road) but it took me a long time to realize I was born in the wrong body. (I didn't really understand what it meant to be trans until later in life).
I had inklings at a young age (when viewing myself from a day-dream point of view it was a male view -- largely shaped by James Bond, Charlie's Angels and the Facts of Life) and didn't really become aware of that fact until I hit my mid-teens. (when I realized that I never wanted to be a princess but rather the prince in many of the fantasy/sci-fi novels I read at the time). Even short story writing in school I envisioned myself as the male hero. I never talked about this internal view of myself to anyone because I was afraid of being called crazy or weird (I already had felt like a loner and outsider to everyone else -- I just didn't know why).
With it, I hid my desire for women, especially those who are rather feminine while still very strong and independent. I had learned to push that away and hide it most of my life although internally it was a constant battle between what I saw myself as and what I was presenting as. I tried to ignore the internal but there are few times that it lead to some close disasters. Once I came clean and decided to match the inside with the outside I felt at peace finally with me. Even with my weight gain (due entirely to my lazy ass) I'm still ok and love who I see in the mirror now. This wasn't something I did before and I often hated what I saw in the mirror.
DSM V may classify me as a mental case but I'm a happily blissful one at that.
Hopefully I answered what you were looking for. If I misunderstood, please let me know.
