[Kenna]

Having that chemistry ...that spark... the wildly intense feeling of desire that consumes my thoughts of how much I want to please them in every way... that feeling of "I can't wait till they get home "...the excitement and tenderness when they reached over to hold my hand... that twinge of hope at eventually becoming a sincere, recognized member of their family as their accepted and recognized partner ....chemistry so intense that I would melt at the sound of their voice dropping even deeper when they were seducing me... I miss the incredibly passionate, "I WANT YOU, I NEED YOU..DAMN YOUR HOT!!" look on their face that very first moment while on top that I switched positions so they could watch and they could lay back and enjoy while still being in control, at that moment how their grip on my hips and thighs grasped harder telling me I hit my mark and they wanted more, realizing that was the first moment they had ever felt pleasure that intensely, striking me to "torture them with pleasure" for as long as I could hold out, I miss doing that for them and because it was ALL FOR them with the intent to totally and fully pleasure and give to them (thank goodness I was that flexible then)... I miss how they held me after that, arms wrapped tightly around me, face buried in my neck or under my chin, cooing softly of how much they enjoyed me... I miss discovering new things, "practicing " and exploring (growing together over months of discovery) ....I miss submitting to them all I am, and them later telling me "you're in control now"... I miss tenderness and connection ...

I miss the chemistry I had never felt before them and how alive I felt... how damn good it felt to be a Giver and receiver... too bad all that was thrown away because we didn't understand each other.

I miss all that because I know I will never feel that intensity again .. I am dedicated to shutting myself off completely so I never again.....feel that chemistry or that twinge of hope at becoming accepted by their family as an acknowledged partner and the openness of that acknowledgment.