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thedivahrrrself · 07-19-2012, 03:11 PM

As a fellow empathetic person, I can say the following from my experience:

1. Don't rely solely on your empathetic feelings. Sometimes you have to take people at face value, despite what you can feel coming from them.

2. Don't expect anyone to react to you the same way. This one has gotten me in trouble a BILLION times. "Why doesn't he/she know that I am sad? Can't they tell by the look on my face/my posture/the fact that I'm super quiet/my sullen tone of voice?" NO! No, they cannot. You MUST state your feelings. This is not easy. It kinda sucks, actually. Because once I state my feelings, I'm responsible for them. I can no longer pretend I'm not mad/sad/scared. But people tend to respond to your feelings once you state them. That also takes away my ability to make them out to be the asshole in the situation, because they should have known that their action/inaction/statements hurt my feelings.

3. Reach out. We're the worst people in the world about trying to deal with things on our own. Other people problems weigh heavily on us -- we can feel the weight of their burdens -- and we don't want to put our burdens on anyone. But most people aren't that way,and our problems barely affect them outside of giving them the opportunity to give a little advice or feel good about themselves for being a good friend. Trust the people you love with your feelings and problems. It's not easy, but it's vital to any relationship making it. Your partners and friends want to know that you trust them, and they want to see you vulnerable, so that they can feel comfortable being vulnerable themselves. You have to show that side of you that you're used to hiding, or every relationship you have will fail.

These lessons were hard for me to learn, and I still find myself repeating old mistakes. But what I've found is that all the weight I feel from other people's problems was partially because I was projecting my own issues on them too. Once you start to open up to others, you'll find that their feelings and issues don't affect you quite so much, though you'll always be empathetic.

07-19-2012, 03:11 PM	#3
thedivahrrrself Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status: Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes Posts: 2,640 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,519 Thanked 11,658 Times in 2,292 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	sorry this is so long! As a fellow empathetic person, I can say the following from my experience: 1. Don't rely solely on your empathetic feelings. Sometimes you have to take people at face value, despite what you can feel coming from them. 2. Don't expect anyone to react to you the same way. This one has gotten me in trouble a BILLION times. "Why doesn't he/she know that I am sad? Can't they tell by the look on my face/my posture/the fact that I'm super quiet/my sullen tone of voice?" NO! No, they cannot. You MUST state your feelings. This is not easy. It kinda sucks, actually. Because once I state my feelings, I'm responsible for them. I can no longer pretend I'm not mad/sad/scared. But people tend to respond to your feelings once you state them. That also takes away my ability to make them out to be the asshole in the situation, because they should have known that their action/inaction/statements hurt my feelings. 3. Reach out. We're the worst people in the world about trying to deal with things on our own. Other people problems weigh heavily on us -- we can feel the weight of their burdens -- and we don't want to put our burdens on anyone. But most people aren't that way,and our problems barely affect them outside of giving them the opportunity to give a little advice or feel good about themselves for being a good friend. Trust the people you love with your feelings and problems. It's not easy, but it's vital to any relationship making it. Your partners and friends want to know that you trust them, and they want to see you vulnerable, so that they can feel comfortable being vulnerable themselves. You have to show that side of you that you're used to hiding, or every relationship you have will fail. These lessons were hard for me to learn, and I still find myself repeating old mistakes. But what I've found is that all the weight I feel from other people's problems was partially because I was projecting my own issues on them too. Once you start to open up to others, you'll find that their feelings and issues don't affect you quite so much, though you'll always be empathetic. __________________ Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva.