it's so complicated...sometimes my head explodes thinking about it too!
for me i just try to be conscious about investigating where certain attractions or preferences come from...and be conscious of when my attractions or preferences are coming from a place of - like - being conditioned by a society where only certain kinds of bodies/minds are valued. or being conditioned by certain stereotypes about different kinds of people. sometimes i just like what/who i like. sometimes i find that i'm subconsciously or not so subconsciously letting a prejudice or fear affect how i feel in a situation. i just try to keep an open mind and be really honest with myself about where feelings/attractions are coming from.