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Originally Posted by 4verNlove
Hi, I don't know if this is the place for me to vent. I did try going on the posts re: infidelity; however, everyone seemed so young and thier outlook for the future subconsciously, could have been based on that..I feel, my age has much to do with my decisions...Anyway, my wife and I are together for 16 yrs, married for 10. Long story short, a year ago, I discovered emails written by her and another woman that were love "longing"..I was up in bed recovering from a broken ankle, couldn't walk, and my partner would go downstairs and have telephone conversation with this woman..This went on for 6 weeks before I discovered the emails. They were even planning to meet sometime in the future, as this woman lives in a state far away. They met on line 17 years ago; she was quite young at the time and they had an online/telephone relationship then, but never met. My partner and I had been having family problems that put a wedge between us; however, I never considered she or I would cheat...We love one another emensely. She decided in the fall to live in our beach house and that we should live seperately for a time she could not determine. She said all contact had been cut with this woman. Not true. I found a book the woman sent her containing love and longing quotes and once she called at 1:30 am and my partner got out of bed to go talk with her..downstairs. I didn't know who it was but overheard her calling her "babe"...I have tried leaving her, that very same night, I was so upset; and a few times after that. She would come after me, begging me to come home, and saying she loved me and didn't know why she answered the phone., She said she panicked. My confusion is the "babe" thing. This woman is conserably younger. My wife and I have dinner every night together, go out to dinner, I sleep with her on weekends at our beach house but still she doesn't want to live together. She contends she has reached the end of her rope and needs to spend time alone, (is having a lot of problems with her adult daughter)...but my fear is...is this woman still trying to contact her...She is ruthless...My wife refuses to talk to me about it; says it makes her nervous but that she wants to stay with me, doesn't want to start with a new relationship at this age, it will have kinks of its own to work out...Me? I feel so pathetic...but I know she loves me, and she is the love of my life...How do I trust and believe her, how do I remain strong and accept what she needs...So afraid I will loose...I have nothing...and no one. I feel so alone and lonely, especially at night. We were so close, almost co-dependent. Actually she used to say she liked it that way but has made a complete turn around. Now where before I did nothing alone, I do everything alone and feel so so lost. I could use any opinions and help anyone has..Thanks for listening to this long post. Hope its ok I wrote this...
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I see that you wrote this a bit ago but I don't generally drop in here so just read this.
I wasted 19-years with a cheater. She had repeated affairs, I found out, she lied, I called her on it (I always knew when she lied. I think we always know in our guts when someone is lying-we may chose to ignore it but we know) she would then apologize profusely and I would always want to believe that it was true, that she really loved me and of course, would never do it again.
On and on it went. I was in my 20's when we got together, with two small children and an ex-husband that paid zero child support. I was emotionally dependent on her. I was educated. I always worked but for some reason just could not break away.
Until. She did it one more time too many.
I had enough. Took me 19-years. I was always so embarrassed to admit that but it was the truth. I just grew a backbone finally and kicked her out.
I spent the next 10-years alone. Did not date. Had minimal social life, only with work friends and did not have sex with anyone else.
Last October I finally began to date. I fell in love with a butch on the Planet. She is 10-years younger than I am. I love her heart, her mind, her brains and love looking into her beautiful eyes. I feel as though I can get lost in them forever. We have the same values in loyalty, fidelity and our outlook on life. I laugh every day now, deep laughter from my heart and soul. We have electric sexual chemistry. I had forgotten what that felt like!
Your life will not be over, even if it feels that way, to just say: enough is enough.
You do not deserve to live with such stress and anxiety. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for and there is true joy just around the corner if you only open your life to it.
Best of luck to you.