[yotlyolqualli]

I don't often read the Bible, not because I don't think it's important, but because I get lazy, lol. However, as a child and even well into my adult years, I memorized whole passages of scripture. Enough scripture, so that when something hurts me, or tests me, I can fall back onto those memorized passages, or God will bring one or many to mind and I can take comfort and strength in them.

However, there are times when I feel completely and emotionally and spiritually empty. Times when I thirst for the refreshment of God's Word. Times when nothing but time spent in the Word, will ease or comfort.

Yesterday was one of those days. Last night, I read from the book of Psalms, from chapter 1-50. Three verses really jumped out at me and this morning, they are really speaking to my heart, and so I thought I would share them here.

Psalms 27:14
Wait on the Lord; be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord.

This is especially important to me this morning. I've been going through some emotional things and I keep impatiently wanting things to be easier NOW, to be finished, NOW, to start, NOW. This verse reminds me... to wait and to not fear, God is in control and He has plans to lift me up, to prosper me, to comfort me and to strengthen me. That brings me to the next verse, and when I read it, I had to re-read it over and over. It raised goose bumps on my skin.

Psalms 3:3
But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory and the lifter of mine head.

"The lifter of mine head". For so long I have walked in shame and in self condemnation. Fear of being... alone, yet fearful of not being alone. It seems the shame has been there since I came out, and was only magnified and emphasized by the women I allowed myself to become involved with. I am slowly stepping out of that shame, slowly learning to let go and let God... slowly learning to believe and accept that "there is no condemnation for those who love the Lord." God can, has and will continue to be "the lifter of mine head". That brings me to the last verse.

Psalms 4:4
Stand in awe, and sin not; commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.

This verse spoke to me, specifically concerning my "fear" of being alone, or my want for something to be NOW. For me, it ties directly into the first verse, that admonishes (me) us to "wait on the Lord". Sometimes I don't want to wait, I want things to happen now, I want things I think God has in store for me, to happen now, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month or next year, but NOW. But here, God has admonished me through His poet David, to wait. To learn to love and be in love with myself and just wait. Waiting is hard, but the "lesson" I've garnered from the past while, is to wait.

And now... I wait.

"They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint; teach me Lord, teach me Lord, to wait." (From Isaiah)