[~SweetCheeks~]

I just sat here and read all 10 pages so many loved ones gone. I send prayers of comfort to all those grieving their losses.

I am about to turn 30 in a few months and it feels so much of my life has been dealing with death. I went to my first funeral at 2 years old and have attended more funeral services in my life than I am in years of birth. The hardest ones for me seem to be my Uncle and Cousin who committed suicide, so many unanswered questions and so much pain. I was close to both of them and it hurts so deep. Watching my cousin plan her wedding and her confiding in me that she feels so lost without her daddy tho its been 8 years the pain is still deep leaves me lost for words.

I am also grieving and having a very difficult time lately watching the shell of my grandmother who was always my best friend and rock. Tho she is still present in body she is not here. She suffered a massive heart attack 15 years ago and my grandfather who has been with her for 52 years has cared for her and couldn't let her go. The man surrounds his entire life around her care. I go over and help care for her anytime he needs me, never letting him know how much it hurts to see my grandmother but know she will never be the same. My family has made me the rock in so many ways and its hard even after 15 years I still find myself dreaming about all the things I wanted to share with my Grandma. It pains me that my younger siblings never had the chance to build a relationship with their grandparents as all have passed on besides our grandfather.

I recently attended the funeral for a childhood friends father who passed away from a life long illness. Knowing we are the same age and both my parents tho they are still young are not in good health makes my heart ache and scares me. This thread has been really good to read and sort my feelings. Thank you all for sharing your stories and grief, also your words of advice.