[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

OK, I'm going to try and back up and take this in.

First, I apologize for offense taken by the use of the term "generics lesbians." It's a term that a friend of mine and I banter about to describe most of the lesbian community where I live, which consists of women who are largely in the middle in terms of their gender expression and presentation, and who also too well known for being very much against anyone calling themselves butch or femme. The area where I live does not have a generally diverse community -- if you go to any lesbian event, both the women who live locally and the women who attend from out of town will be overwhelmingly white, overwhelmingly "fit", overwhelmingly economically privileged, and will also overwhelmingly have short hair and perhaps slightly masculine "sporty" clothing but very frequently with earrings and a touch of makeup and a girlfriend who can be described in exactly the same way. This is not an exaggeration, as others here who have visited this area can verify. If anyone can suggest a non-offensive term to use, I would much appreciate it.

My thoughts on doing this discussion was to start a dialog about gender dynamics and gender presentation within our community, in hopes of at least indirectly addressing the overwhelming amount of anti-butch/femme sentiment in this community -- in particular, the openly anti-butch sentiment that pervades this community, that crosses over into anti-femme sentiments as well, since I've been told many variations on "why do you want a woman who is trying to pretend she's a guy?" or "I don't get why you're into playing roles like that" by folks who will accept (but clearly not get) someone with a strikingly feminine/femme gender presentation (especially if she's with another "lipstick lesbian", but are openly puzzled by or even hostile towards a butch with a clearly masculine gender presentation, or a butch/femme couple who are clearly enjoying that specific dynamic between them.

I am open to all suggestions.

Unless a person has an investment in understanding something, they are not going to be open to it. I don't know the purpose of the meetup group, but if you can find a way to speak to what may create an interest for them in this topic, you will be off to a good start. Good luck. You definitely have a tough crowd in that specific community.