[Corkey]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

My motives are far more self-serving than to just attempt to educate the hostile.

It's about wanting to be among queer folk in my community. I am part of some fantastic online communities - and am beginning to count this one among those. And I have made some life-long and deep, lasting friendships among people that I've met online. But online and long-distance doesn't give you someone to play cards with on Saturday nights, or go out to dinner on your birthday, or help you move all the shit around in your house after your ex finally moves out then holds you as you cry then forces an extra martini or four into you and makes you laugh your ass off. And my only good friends around here are moving 100 miles north, and after that I will have only friendly acquaintances. If I want real friends, I'm going to have to put some work into it. This is just one layer and one direction for that work.

It's about wanting to provide a safe space for those who are butch and femme to speak out about it because *I* need a safe space to speak out about it. I am fully out about being gay - who I love - in my personal life and at work. But being Femme is... a level more personal than that for me, because it's so enmeshed with my sexuality, and it's pretty obvious from who I am and how I look and act and who I chose to be with and how he looked and acted (though YES, there are butches and femmes who do not look/dress as we might expect, but I do, and my ex did). And I want real friends who can get that or at least accept that about me. And I have to believe that hidden among this community are some potential members of my tribe.

I may do this discussion and NO ONE will come. I may do this and the only people who come will be clueless or hostile. OR I may do this and two people show up, one who is open to thinking outside the box she's lived in with regard to gender expression and one who is thrilled to find other butch/femme-identified folks in our community.

Then do it. There is no one telling you not to. Right now there are people from this very site doing a reunion, where everyone is welcome, no matter where they fall in the circle (I hate the spectrum analogy because it infers liner). Community is what we make of it, no matter who shows up.