The dynamic happens for me when a butch and i read each other as butch and femme. It may have a sexual feel or not. But it always implies mutual recognition and respect. It means we know something about one another. To be recognized as a femme in a world where i am read as straight, to have someone understand that, to know that, in principal, the person finds that desirable -- that is a fine thing. Whether they open doors or whatever is irrelevant. Sometimes i get a zing out of that stuff, sometimes not.
Outright disrespect from a butch (for no reason) does hurt a little more than asshat behavior from someone else. i think it's because there is supposed to be a social contract between us as butches and femmes. We know each other for an important part of who we are, and we are supposed to honor that.
Sexually, i sleep with people who make me feel MORE like a woman. There are femmes who can do that. i have been with butches and femmes who bring out the boy in me. i like the boy, but not in bed.
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