[Julien]

I am a 50 year old transman who is caught "inbetween" in that I am not on T nor have I had any surgery. I have been "transitioning" for about 5 or so years and don't know when I will take the next step (surgery and/or T). It is a money issue for me and I am frustrated with how I am perceived by others. I can pass at times and other times not so much. I was once told by a MTF that I looked gender neutral, which I guess reflects my inbetweenism and I am not comfortable in that status. I am not out to everyone, and don't know how to go about it really. For example at the MCC I attend I am out to the other trans people(MTF) there and I tend to hang out with the Lesbians, but I don't exactly fit in other than my attraction to women. I also have this fear (possibly unfounded) that once I out myself to the Lesbian group that I will be treated differently for I've heard some grumblings about men as a group. I feel I won't be supported. I am not in the gay men's group, because of my inbetweenism and I'm not a gay male. I have found no other transmen in the MCC and feeling a little isolated on that front. I live in a small city and the community as a whole is not so visible. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to fit in. Thanks for any thoughts on the matter.