[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

I am still reading the posts in this most wonderful thought-provoking thread.

I also, Snowy, related to the Momma aspect from the earlier posting. That is where, I think, my own idea of part of how I learned growing up to identify. Since I got married at the baby young age of 16, and started raising my kids at the age of 17, and the fact that my own mother had died when I was 13, I just really didn't have a lot of examples to draw upon. I basically had to just DO. Do my best. Stumble through the best I could. Try to remember what my own mom was like (hey, at that age I really wasn't paying a lot of attention to her and what she did, how she did it, and certainly never spoke to her about WHY she did what she did and what she may have thought about it!)

So I became the nurturer. That was a role I had been thrust into when my mom had her cerebral hemmorhage and slipped into a 7 month coma before dying. I was the middle child, and already did the whole peace-keeping role. So I had to grow into the momma figure for my younger siblings, even though the next one down was only a year younger than me. My older siblings were just older enough to have their own busy lives and could not be bothered. Just the way it was.

I *like* taking care of others. Doing nice things for them. Pleasing them. As I have gotten older, it has become more of a choice to me whether I will do something or not, though. I remember talking to someone about getting coffee for my partner in the mornings. She asked me if I did this as a "duty", or was it because I really WANTED to get her coffee. I told her that since I was already getting my OWN coffee, it made sense and was not an inconvenience to get someone else's. Do I let others do things for me? Yes, of course.

As to the Femme/gender topic, I like Jo came out very late in life, and I don't know if that colors my viewpoint. I am female. I am a woman. That is my gender. I am also queer, that is who I love and how I want my sex. Finding myself to "Femme" was a whole other process and journey. My Femme is not just the fact that I still like to take care of others at times. My Femme, to ME, is my softer side, my open heart, my hopes for my future, my vulnerability, my fierceness, my courage, my toughness, my grit, my wisdom. It also speaks out and YELLS and SCREAMS and HOWLS and DEMANDS to be HEARD when I am around a Butch. It demands to be recognized, demands to be seen and appreciated and loved.

I will close with a cute little true story. Back in the day, when I was very active in the leather community in FL, one of my nicknames was Juney. As in June Cleaver. I have always been so damned white-bread in my looks. I am a mother and grandmother, for Gods sake! Frumpy at times. Well, when I was running the largest BDSM social network in the State of FL, and Topping others, and losing myself in bottoming to others, the fact that I looked so ordinary, while at the same time was just so fucking KINKY, well, it just warmed my twisted little heart! I do love me a good mind fuck!

So hell to the yeah, I still to this day answer to "Juney". Proudly!