Morinin peeps.
Voting ...I am wondering if anyone else here has had trouble getting their
soc. sec. ..ID ..straight etc. inorder to vote? So weird.
The poor people looked at me so confused and asked why? Long story...
I was reading another thread,in the trans zone(trans appreciation),
and it got me thinking...and thinking of loss and being a transsexual.
I realize that I experienced personal loss too.
A part of myself...and i knew i would when i transitioned.
[ For me, i had to do this because i felt like a male ever since i can recall... my own identity of self.(ex. I cut my hair at 2 years old because someone said that my curly hair was cute. )
So, i know what was best for me.]
The personal loss was losing that female butch person i loved and had grown to become. I was proud of being a strong female butch. Just proud of who i was.
I didn't want people who knew me...acquaintances...family...friends...to think that i was transitioning because i was ashamed of who i was as a female butch...or that i was ashamed of being "gay". This is one aspect of transitioning that i struggled with Big Time.
My mother's voice is in my head..."but i had a girl...i gave birth to a girl"...i remember listening to her and sharing that loss with her. I had to console her.
It broke my heart. I could the pain in her eyes.
I understand...that is the loss that she experienced.
I had to explain to her that i was the same soul...the same person...
eventually, the more i shared
with her...the more she understood.
So, before transitioning...I had to make it very clear to people that i was not ashamed of who i was as a female butch, and that was NOT any reason as to why i felt the need to transition. In fact, i struggled with the very fact that (some people) would assume or did assume that. grrr.
So, i found myself needing and wanting to explain to the obtuse. That i was not transitioning
to be a man...because i look up to or want to aspire to be like all Men
in general. It just has to do with my internal identity. my mind...my knowledge of self and self awareness...an evolution and a freedom to be closer to who i am.
Coffee...
I highly recommend this book and pamplet...for transmen and their families.
[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Forming-Families-Stories-Transgendered/dp/0615123074"]http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Forming-Families-Stories-Transgendered/dp/0615123074[/ame]
http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_...5thedition.pdf