[Dance-with-me]

Good thread.

re: Making it clear that it's a date - I think it's equally valid to clarify that it's NOT a date, but is a time to just get to know each other, to see if there is dating potential. I was SO relieved when the response to my asking someone out the other day (first non-online person I've gone out with for over 20 years) was "I can't say that I'm ready for a real date yet, but I would love to get to know you better." That was a great (to me) response and might even be something I might say when approaching someone.

The main dating advice I'd give ties into the u-haul thing: I think there is this u-haul stereotype within our community because too many women find some connection, compatibility and chemistry with someone and immediately start thinking "forever," then when they SHOULD be still just dating, when things start being problems they approach it as "we've made this commitment so this is something we need to figure out how to fix" instead of "wow, I guess we're not as compatible as we thought, and s/he's not quite the person that I thought s/he was." I'm a VERY strong proponent of waiting a couple of YEARS before promising forever and committing yourself to work through whatever issues might come up between you, because you really don't know how that other person is going to be "in sickness and in health, for better or worse" unless you've given it the chance to play out. If the relationship is going to be forever, it can survive waiting a couple of years before making that forever promise. I don't mean waiting two years before promising to be monogamous, maybe not even a couple of years before cohabitation. But an open acknowledgement that we really don't know each other enough yet to promise forever -- a *gasp* period of DATING before getting engaged or married.