[Julien]

The exploration of self is so unique for each individual and I believe is an always ongoing experience, at least it is for me. Role models were something lacking as I was growing up and I didn't know(or was unaware) of any lesbians let alone trans men or women. I felt so isolated as a teen and never really comfortable with who I was becoming. It was not until I began research for my dissertation that I really came to self acceptance and realized I was doing more than just researching an academic topic. I was getting to know myself and who I was meant to be. Interestingly clarity came while watching the film Boys Don't Cry. There comes a moment in the film when Brandon is punched and I recoiled in my seat thinking that could be me there. My thoughts about my own transgender status and this film did not make me frightened, but made me want to be the man was becoming. My exploration has come in bits and pieces and only now at the age of 50 am I comfortable with me, I am at peace with my thoughts about being transgender. I may not be physically were I want to be as an outsider looking in at me, but I understand me and what my journey will be.