Quote:
Originally Posted by violaine
liam,
yes. dating someone else who is on the spectrum/AT does seem [at first glance] to present fewer complications communication-wise. a lot of the time, i really believe that i can only make sense to the other person when we are no longer involved. here is something i've been considering of late, please-
we are taught that honesty is the best policy ; psychology books, therapists, parents, friends, partners, siblings, et c- sugget that we 'say what's on our mind' and 'don't hold feelings/thoughts in for it's unhealthy to do so' .
ohk.
outside of times being 'light/happy' i've certainly known conflicts to arise whenever i do speak my truth, and am able to freely admit how i feel [all across the board], answer questions honestly, and communicate 'matter-of-fact' without a hidden agenda, why does it more often than not backfire ? ?
several NT's have told me that AT's [by wiring] do try the right communicative efforts- [ironically, this comes from phrases and books mostly coined / written by NT's!]- yet, NT's are not 'used to it being so easy/uncomplicated/natural/open" and are expecting a host of unsavoury layers- because a lot of insecurities/triggers - already in place from ... ?
much too much to wrap my head round. seems to make relationships set up for failure at the onset then.
i would like to think that there are NT's out there who can have The More Serious-type of conversation [serious does not = Negative!!]. are there NT's who do not personalise to a huge extent ; are not defensive as hell ; and when things turn difficult, matters do not get made worse by adding stuff unrelated to 'issues', and honesty/vulnerability/trust/the relationship/people = can remain intact.
is that asking for the moon?
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No, it is not.
I agree that I often get along better with my exes once we break up, beacsue then they can see that there is no hidden agenda.
So,
Cynthia and I, after a 5 year break up where we learned more about ourselves, decided to give it another shot becasue other than the attraction we share many interests, goals, morals, etc. I has been way hard work, but after 5 years back together this June I can say that we are happy and well suited.
It's not perfect and we do have to work at communicating a lot, but we are closer than we have ever been. Every day is a learning experience.
It was not like that from day one. We have had really rough patches, but we both are committed to do everything we can to make this work.