Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
It really depends on the dynamic with the person. however, I find it waaaaayyyyyyy easier if people can take the piss (tell me they are going to throw me off a bridge, tell me to shut up [not in an angry Axis of Evil kind of way but a auuuugh I love you but I'm gonna skin you in a minute, kind of way], tell me I am driving them to drink ajax milkshakes etc) because making me and her laugh during those kinds of moments lightens the mood of the frustation. so one can be yelling *and* laughing *and* frustrated *and* actually interested in solving the issue all at the same time, rather than it being all quiet, sparkly and earnest, heavy and super serious. I had a partner who was "respectful" in that way and frankly it felt like discussing a load of old bricks every time some thing "serious" came up. Like talking in a wet lesbian potato sack.
No thanks.
After spending 10 years in the UK and hanging out with Australians, Kiwis, Irish, Welsh, Scot... no. I'd rather have an arsey, fun, laughing, expressive discussion with piss taking where shut up doesn't mean disrespect, it means "offs!"... when me and my mom were barking a bit while I was trying to get her finances done in an excel sheet, she said
"well you'd never make an IT help desk. You are far too aggressive. the boys at the school are much nicer."
"ok mom. would you like me to (suddenly speaking in a gentle customer service voice) help you? well if you would like to just please wait for a moment while I get your - "
Laughing "oh fuck off."
"exactly. now shut up so I can work."
I dunno. I never want to go back to discussions I can't laugh in, no matter how angry I am. I can't take the wet, oh so serious, lesbo drama anymore. Even if we are discussing something very serious. There's a way to mix it. And yes, someone telling me to shut up, fuck off, I'm going to tie you to a railway track in a minute etc, does make me laugh (granted, tone is everything. But you can say "nice" things in a shite tone and it still sounds like cold sick).
I know some people can't cope with that, and I'd never be a good partner for them. They'll find me disrespectful and rude, I'll find them overly dramatic and wet.
Salt for everyone's pepper, luckily.
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I like it that you said, "Salt for everyone's pepper, luckily."
Equally, I liked the "tie you to a railway track in a minute" --
-- witty banter like this is something I miss terribly.
Years ago, I happened to become friends with a young woman (same age as my daughter) while earning my bachelors in college. I remember sitting in class, relentlessly taking my own notes of a lecture in progress and Brynn was sitting across the aisle from me, as I executed my perfect penmanship in strikes of lightening fashion. She was also disrupting my flow. I gave her my best "Femme Death Stare" and an evil smile so she'd know I was kidding, yet deadly serious about her disrupting my method of madness! After class, she was all over me like a sweet baby kitten looking for a mother and that's how we became friends - for the longest time. She's no longer in my life right now but I suspect we'll reconnect somewhere down the road, later in life. She totally got who I was in one single fell swoop and I had totally pinned her style of communication in much the same way. Somehow, it's my belief, the universe brings people to your life exactly when you need them. She had been with her then-current boyfriend since high school days and they were having serious troubles communicating with each other, but he was anything but what she could need in a boyfriend. I remember well, how she'd call me late at night, wanting to be study partners for our expected homework in our class and of course, because I could tell by her voice, inflected with all kinds of silent communicators, revealing what she truly was after: bonding time with a mature person who could help her solve her problems (even if it entailed being stoned to the high heavens!) She'd come over and before we could settle into our method of study hall madness, we'd make something crazy wonderful to eat and while doing exactly that, we'd 'dance' our way through a complicated maze of issues by playfully mocking every single item on her "this is bugging the shit out of me" list, before we could settle down and get to the business at hand (our studies).
It's not everyday that someone like that walks into your life and you bond instantaneously, like Brynn and I did. My boys fell in love with her because she totally got who I was and both my boys fought over her for her affection. I often said to her that my oldest son was the man she needed in her life. The "pepper" to her "salt."
Indeed.
*I'm gonna tie you down to the railroad tracks* (I said exactly that to her once!)
Thank you for evoking sweet memories of the dear young friend I haven't seen in a while.
And thank you for being who you are, HoneyBarbara.
I find candid, authentic, human communication refreshingly beautiful.