I have always struggled with making friends (I'm an introvert who prefers to spend time alone, reading), let alone a best friend.
Two years ago, I met a woman online through a fanfiction-writing Website. Unlike most of the writers there, she was older (31) and a very talented writer. I was instantly drawn to her characterizations, and wanted to get to know her better.
It turned out we had a lot in common: In addition to enjoying writing, reading, and similar music, we were both married to men and childless and felt we had creative callings in our lives. After some months, she finally admitted to me that I was her best friend; she had always felt closer to men as friends and figured she would not have a female best friend again, for some reason. She was gratified that I was the one.
Needless to say, I was elated by this, and quickly returned the feelings. The next few months, we talked to each other in almost-romantic terms (lots of "my girl" and "my love"; anyone reading our communication would have thought we were in a blossoming romantic relationship. Well, it turns out, one of us was....
Quite simply, I developed a huge emotional crush on my friend. I would save endearing comments she had for me in a Word file and look at them when I was feeling down about something. I would long to talk to her every day, and when she wasn't around, I mourned. I wonder if I had done something to upset her.
Meanwhile, irony of ironies, my bestie, who was happily married and had always ID'd as straight, managed to develop a crush on a mutual online (girl) friend of ours. She did and felt similar things that I felt toward her. She told me all of this. My heart broke over and over again.
Finally, my friend called me out on my crush on her, saying she had known about it for a long time, and that to admit I was at least bisexual wouldn't have to change the way I interacted with men and women in my life; that I had, in fact, been living with it for most of my life as it was, but was just unwilling to admit it. She said she didn't feel weird about my crush and just wanted me to be honest with myself about my feelings, and that we were still best friends. (This was also about the time her own girl-crush was waning).
So, despite my crush, we are still best friends. We hope to meet in person someday (we live a 12-hour drive apart). I credit my best friend for helping me face the parts of me I was too scared to face, for helping me become more authentically /myself/, and still loving me anyway. I'm lucky to have 'met' her.
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