[dreadgeek]

I'm curious. If someone comes up to me and starts yelling at me that I'm a ni--er or calling me some homophobic slur or telling me that I'm hell-bound what am I supposed to compromise on? What side am I supposed to be seeing? I hear this a lot from people (usually white people--sorry but there it is) that I should "see all sides" or "focus on what we have in common". I'm equally curious why *I* should have to compromise. Why is it incumbent on the *targets* of bigotry to do the compromising, to see all sides, including the side of those that hate? I rarely see anyone asserting that it's the bigots who should see all sides or compromise. In that situation--which isn't about policy it's about personhood--what am I supposed to be compromising *on* exactly? What side am I supposed to be seeing? What is it that I'm supposed to understand there?

I've listened to a lot of different things in my 40+ years. Not only have I listened, I've *heard* a lot of things. When I hear the word 'nigger' I don't see what there is to compromise on. What I hear and what I listen to can be translated to "I don't think you're human. I think you're low, dishonest, dirty and not someone who should be admitted where decent people are..."

I agree, their views ARE important. I WANT to hear them shout their hate from the rooftops if that is in their heart. What's more, I want *YOU* (generic you, Kobi not specific) to hear them so you can decide which side you're on and what, if anything, you want to do about it. I disagree that I need to be ready to compromise with the person hurling epithets at me. The person who disagrees with me and is willing to sit down and have a genuine discussion and meeting of the minds? Sure, absolutely. The person who is hurling epithets that boil down to "you're not human", I see no compromise that presents itself. They aren't going to admit that I *might* be human or they wouldn't be hurling the epithet. I'll be damned if I'm willing to grant that they might be right and maybe I'm not fully human. At that point, I don't really *care* about their feelings and I'm not interested in understanding where they are coming from. My interest, at that point, collapses into one thing: how can I conclude whatever business we might have to transact in the fastest, most efficient manner so that they can go on their way and I can go on mine and never again bother the others' eye with our visage.

Lastly, I don't think anyone *wants* to subscribe to an us-them mentality but sometimes there really IS an 'us' and there really IS a 'them'. If someone makes it clear that they have an America and that their America doesn't include me and that, given the opportunity, they will make certain that there is no place for me in their America, they’ve gone out of their way to make themselves, well, Them. I have never, in my entire life, started or invited a racist incident nor have I ever started or invited a sexist or homophobic incident. But I have had those experiences all more than once or twice. The person who *did* instigate those incidents was bound and determined to make me their 'them' and I'd be a fool (or a corpse) if I didn't take that person very, very seriously.

Cheers
Aj