[Write14u]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

In regards to your last question, no, I don't know about having them pretend (at least for too long) b/c I didn't have that experience of NOT telling b/c I was single--I have had relationships...and, sooner rather than later, I HAD to come out...(the first time, I thought she--my mother--knew).

The parts I underlined I am confused about. You say you came out...but I don't see it. You say "they know the truth" but I don't see where you actually told your family you were gay.

Is being OUT just letting our familes seeing us dress and act in a certain way and bringing our partners over to dinner (for years) w/o actually SAYING we are a couple? Personally, I don't think so. I could have brought my first two gfs over for years and years and my parents would have thought we were just *close* girlfriends.

I think to BE OUT to your family (at the least?) you have to say something like she is my gf or partner--we are a couple?

I don't think having others making assumptions about our appearance is verification of sexual or gender identity--there are many many people who would turn the notion of what a heterosexual person looks like on its head.

Looking queer doesn't mean being OUT is what I guess I am saying...esp. b/c I don't have ummm...any stereotypical *markers* (including past history) where my family may have known I was queer, I HAD to say the words.

Sorry, didn't mean to be confusing.
I have never actually said to my family, "Hey, I'm queer, get over it."
My family, however, is aware of it.
No, I don't think being out is about what I wear, etc. I used to keep my orientation quiet...with my first partner and all. Since then, I haven't been in a long-term relationship that required bringing it up to my family.
That's kind of what I mean about them being in pretend mode right now. And what I meant about them not wanting to ask me now. If I have a partner in my life at any time, I will proudly call them my partner and take them around my family.