[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Random

For me.. you hit it on the nail... It's the dishonesty, the lies.. It effects not only the pair bonding but your trust in yourself... How did I not see that this person was capible of this? How did I not see the signs.. Then there is the ever famous... *I know that xxxx loved me beyond words, I know that is true.. I would have bet my life that they would never lie to me.. Never willingly hurt me... If they could do this to me, being who they are, then how can I trust anyone ever to be honest with me again? How can I belive in a world where the only truth was a lie?*

It shifts your world view and changes who you are...

I know for me... It wasn't all bad.. It made me grow up and see the world as it is.. It made me aware, made me self reliant.. it turned me into someone who is mistress of her own house, her own heart... Lol.. It turned the princess into a Queen...

Exactly. The rose colored glasses come off and, for me, I haven't been the same. I've been made more aware like you, but haven't quite evolved to the point that I don't carry around that suspicion, though it is buried deep. And, it's not necessarily a 'he's going to cheat on me' thing. It's a general distrust of my partners, which of course, is not good in any situation.

Originally Posted by Random

I don't think this is always the case..

If someone is a serial cheater, then that is one thing... But I think at times, people just don't know how to remove themselves from relationships.. You know the entire.. *I don't want to hurt her* but the silly thing is.. It's going to hurt either way... In my mind.. do it quickly, do it bluntly, do it clean...

...like a Bandaid.

I do, however, believe once someone has traveled a road once, then that path is much easier to follow in the future. This applies to all aspects of our sordid human nature, not just infidelity.

Originally Posted by Linus

Agreed. I did have a partner who cheated on me and one who was already moving on before we broken up. That said, I believe that they are faithful to the partners they are with now and are happier. I had tried to resolve things with a partner who had cheated on me but I've found once it's done, it's hard to trust again. It is certainly my own issue (I'll admit to lingering trust and abandonment issues) but it's an issue nonetheless.

I find it frustrating in that if the person had spoken to me about whatever had caused them to stray we could have either resolved together to separate amicably or entered into a poly relationship (if all parties were inclined and opened for that).

Today, if it is happens, the existing relationship will be over and I'll be moving on. Given my previous experience and knowing myself I know it'll be better in the long run.

The cheating partner assumes they know the other so well that they make the decision of how things are going to progress for the couple. Maybe the other partner might have been open to an open relationship, with pro-safe sex parameters I'd hope, or polygamy. I really don't like it when my options or choices are taken away from me before I have been made aware of them.

Originally Posted by I'mOneToo

hmm has there ever been a case of same-sex decisions that are similar?

Highly unlikely, given that we don't have the right to marry or share custody in many states. Interesting thought, though.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I should have stuck to the only four words that matter to me regarding cheating: I'll cut a bitch.

I love you.