[nowandthen]

I think for me what is the hardest and most painful part is to know that my good heart and intention along with my marginalization as a queer is a white experience which is not an easy thing to see, name and work on. When we as white folks talk about race most often we are looking out instead of in and locating ourselves in the system. Being a white queer masculine person has its benefits even when if I am called sir 9 out of ten times and I know I am not. I am not racially profiled everywhere I go, in fact when I am assumed male I am often asked for my thoughts on subjects I know nothing about. In my last relationship, I was assumed to have the college education as well as my family with only one parent who had a HS diploma and my girlfriend is a lawyer and her parents went to college but she is a WOC. My point is part of keeping things the same is the use of white guilt as a tool of policing the system. So as much as I want to think my experience is the same as other butch's or MoC or any other label the one thing I can not escape is that of being white and that come with unearned privilege. So I keep pushing, unlearning and healing, and that which is giving light grows