[Ms. Meander]

I am not so young (40), nor do I have massive amounts of energy to spare (chronic fatigue). I do not think I am naive, but optimistic and hopeful that I am whole enough, and have the skills to create with intention the sort of relationships which will suit my needs best. The "wild card" in this endeavor for me is the other people, their baggage and ability to meet me where I am. It requires of me to be very solid in myself - to be open, honest, and loving yet somehow retain a bit of a thick skin. As a sensitive, empathic, intuitive Cancerian, I have historically been easily hurt. So I am finding it to be a good deal of work and energy spent getting to a different place.

However, there are two major goals being accomplished in all of this for me that really make it worth the effort. First of all, my personal growth is being furthered. I have the opportunity to break old patterns; to set boundaries, state needs, and finally to be assertive and confident, expecting others to respect me where I am with no guilt or shame. So even though it can be a bit tiring getting comfortable with the “new me” and pushing outside of my previously held comfort zones, the pay-off is huge. I feel like this part of things will become less work and more second nature as I become more practiced.

Secondly, as a person who requires gross amounts of space and alone time, it may seem counter-intuitive for me to try to maintain multiple relationships. But because there are as many definitions of poly as there are practitioners, I can try to create something that works for me. Right now it works extremely well for me to have two lovers who each live about an hour and a half away from me (in different directions). They are turning into meaningful connections which feed me in different ways but no one is demanding of all my time. There are plenty of phone calls and emails in between but it is working out to 2 or 3 dates per month (lasting from 24-48hrs). No one is demanding of all of my time and I have plenty of space. I get to have these connections with two very different people who bring unique experiences to me, and still have all the time and space I require for myself. This is what works for me right now. Also keeping in mind that my needs and desires may shift in time.

There have already been some bumps around other people’s insecurities that I have handled quite well, I think (after recovering from my initial surprise). I know I have grown and learned much in just a short period of time. I know also that more challenges will pop up and I will handle them as well, ever keeping an eye on the ratio of effort put out vs. benefits gained. Right now, I am pleased. And proud. And only occasionally worn out.