[Jean_TX]

This thread keeps popping up, so I thought I’d volunteer a “wish list” too. Objectively, my criteria for a “significant other” relate to three levels of a relationship:

1) Companionship
She must score favorably when judged against a list of attributes that I find necessary in any companion. Ideal qualities include
- Kind, considerate, thoughtful,
- Humorous, playful, <= Placid women need not apply.
- Interesting (i.e., intelligent, knowledgeable; good conversationalist),
- Confident, somewhat adventurous, <= Chronically indecisive and timid women need not apply.
- Filled with positive energy and enthusiasm, <= Pessimists need not apply.
- Loyal.

2) Deep Caring Relationship
If someone qualifies as a desirable companion, she could become a candidate for my “significant other” if, and only if, she meets all the following criteria:
- Lesbian,
- Feminine,
- Available (i.e., single, uncommitted),
- Open and honest (i.e., does not deceive by means of overt lies, extreme exaggeration, deliberate withholding of pertinent facts, or “weasel wording”),
- Trustworthy, moral, and ethical,
- Financially stable and independent.

3) Romance
The final and ultimate criterion is that we must have “chemistry” with one another. For me, “chemistry” is primarily a function of physical appearance, although demeanor and attitude are also factors. (Some people might regard this requirement as “shallow”, but it is no more “shallow” than choosing a partner based on any other unearned endowment such as intelligence, good humor, creativity, etc.) This “chemistry” can occur at any point, but romance only occurs if the other two levels of the relationship have already been achieved.



DISCLAIMER: Despite having written all the above, I confess that I do not (and would not) go about the choice of a “significant other” in an objective way. I don’t keep a spreadsheet tally of a particular woman’s attributes, nor do I consciously or logically consider whether or not she is a good fit for me. The “right” woman for me is a complex combination of attributes – a bit of one attribute, a dash of that, a large amount of another attribute, etc. There is no one ideal combination of ingredients! Just as with any recipe, the ‘proof is in the pudding’. For that reason, I make my choice based on my long-term response to her … The sound of her voice, the sight of her, the time I spend with her – do all these things make me feel buoyant and joyful? Is our relationship predominantly uplifting? Is her presence in my life a positive influence? If the answers to these questions are all “yes”, then I succumb.