[femmeInterrupted]

A friend of mine recently posted something on her Facebook that was akin to this:

" I'm really stepping out of my comfort zone here..but could I ask folks to take a few seconds (minutes?) more and write me a message, email, text, or letter, telling me about a favourite memory of us or why our relationship is important to you, pls? It can even be anonymous! I could really use the love and attention this year. Here's to courage and asking for what we really need!"

My immediate reactions were:
1) She's a f*cking superstar!
2) Wow! That's brave!
3) I'm so lucky to know such an awesome person!

Having just recently been thinking about the issues of courage and vulnerability, her post felt like such a synchronis moment for me. My awe and wonderful marvelling came from her bravery in putting herself out there, for showing herself in such a vulnerable and authentic way, and having the courage to ask for what she was needing.

(i sent her a snail mail card with a photo of one us from one of my best memories of us together-- i love getting fun mail that are not bills or taxation forms! i hope she does too!)

Being vulnerable is a challenge for me.

I remember a few years ago, I was facilitating an event in community on a First Nation here in Ontario. It was a Sisters In Spirit event. One woman, from another First Nation came to be a part of ceremony and the vigil. (SIS is a movement/event that was created to honour the missing and murdered first nations women in Canada.)

That woman came in black face. (Her entire face was painted in black paint)
There were a few woman who painted their faces.

In the Anishinaabe tradition people also expressed times of bereavement through the practice of Mkadengwe which translates to Black Face. This tradition involved painting one’s face with black ash or paint to signify one’s state of being. In reading the person’s face members of the community were better able to affirm the mourner’s feelings and accommodate their needs when required.

I remember thinking to myself how wonderful that would be, because it literally lets members of the community/family/friends know that you are hurting, and have support and validation with your grief.

In today's north american culture, grief and tears are often met with uncomfortable shifting and silence, or attempts to pacify the person struggling. 'Don't cry-- Everything is O.K." etc. All this really does, is interrupt the grief process.

So here's to courage, and asking for what we need.
Here's to the courage, to do the work in figuring out what we really need!