[AtLast]

Originally Posted by I'mOneToo

For me, primarily in clinical settings (of which there are many in my life, unfortunately). I am loath to discuss such personal details in a public forum but it is an issue for me. It's an extremely sensitive issue, obviously, and I can answer a general survey (such as above) but that's about it. But are you asking AtLastHome? Not clear. Sorry if this is overstepping. You may have gotten that answer already while I'm typing.

I really have no specific agenda about how the thread can or should go. I know that there are some things I would not be specific about just because, unfortunately, sometimes members post in very insensitive and.. well, ignorant ways. I just wanted to call attention to this as I feel all other kinds of privilege get talked about. And since I really have read some totally able-bodied privileged remarks about sex here and on the dash site, I feel a little enlightenment is needed. Also, many people are really not aware of what they are saying.. and not really in a mean way. They just don't have any perswonal experience with the subject.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

What does it look like when able body privilege pokes it ugly head up in conversations about sex and sexuality? Because I'm differently abled (HATE the word disabled) and I have not seen it.

Can you give me some examples?

Yes, I get the differently-abled idea.

OK, on the infidelity thread, there was a post that bugged me in that it made a reference to illness and disability as a reason for someone to seek sex outside of the relationship. Obviously, the person was talking about a partner not having these issues at the start of their relationship.

What bothered me was 1) viewing someone with a disability or chronic illness as sexually defective.... Hello, there are many ways to have sex and I felt this was predicated on the able-bodied place of privilege that sexual activity can only be one way, the able-bodied person's way. 2) an inability to explore adjustments and adaptations for a partner. 3) Using a disability issue as an excuse to seek sex outside of the relationship. People are different about fidelity, so please do not think I am speaking about poly folks in a negative manner, I'm not. This is just one example.

I also have a close femme friend that has run into the other side of this- having people believe they are doing her some kind of favor as an able-bodied person having sex with her. She can see this sort a mile away and smacks their privilege right down, but this is not true for many other differently-abled women. She has also had more than one incident of drivers of Para-transit buses hitting on her, mostly with this pity-fuck attitude. All old farty men.. she's in her 20's and this is during the course of their work hours. Yes, she reported this. She is very attractive and quite severely disabled and has been since birth. She is also an extremely bright and articulate woman.. and enjoys sex. She has been sexually active in the same age ranges and frequencies as the rest of us. LOL.. I admit, I have to be careful and not try to intervene for her if it is not invited. She can take care of herself and does.

And oh yes, she deals with what One is talking about…. The complete denial of disabled people having a normal and healthy libido!

Does this help?