[DMW]

I recently went through some std testing at a local, county, clinic because I have been with a few women in the past couple of years. I find it very interesting how I am assumed to be a biomale and relieved at that, I must say. That has never really been an issue. The interesting part is needing and wanting appropriate ( broadbased) healthcare for trans people. I guess I have an internal conflict.

So, when asked to piss into a cup for chlamydia, syphilis and other fun stuff...when in fact I was in a room full of biomales...I realized that I may be asked to perform this without a door on the restroom stall. The unknown tends to be a little anxiety inducing.

I wonder about myself and why I didn't want to out myself to the county? It is a struggle. On the questionnaire, FTM male was an option. And i thought it impressive that we are recognized by the county. However, that recognition of trans people could be for legal reasons etc.

Why wouldn't I put myself out there? well, they asked for my soc. sec. number etc. I put it down there and other identifiers. I feel that I always have to consider prejudice and future employment. Other reasons to not devulge my FTM status...some days I just want to be myself and not have to fight a fight. to not have to explain myself or answer questions. Some days my patience for the ignorant is severely limited. Who knows? Lot to ponder. Not that I haven't been here before. I feel that it is a weakness to not stand up and say..."damn right I am FTM and proud of who I am." Maybe that is what is bothering me...I passed up an opportunity to put another one of us on the books...in this state anyway.
Many a time I have come out...many a time. I suppose that is what is bothering me. That I didn't this time.
They did give me a free packet of condoms and I am free of std's.
Funny, FTM's need condoms too.
Ramble.