[GraffitiBoi]

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm not quite comfortable talking about some things, but I need to get them out. I need answers. I know there are no answers.

I want to know why, no matter who I meet or date, they always say they are fine with me the way I am. But inevitably they leave or lose interest stating that I am not trans enough, not lesbian enough, not straight enough, not male enough, not female enough, etc. I get it. They had a preconceived idea/expectation of who and what I am. I don't like it, but they are being honest in what they want. I lay no blame.

Then there are the ones who seem to be interested but then leave after having sex. They just wanted to 'try out' a trans person. They wanted a story. They treat me as an object, a toy, a novelty. They don't want to get to know me. They don't want to take the time to see what a great person I am or the type of relationship material I am. Those are the ones that hurt. Those are the ones who never cared or were interested in the first place. I *rarely* do casual sex anymore thanks to those people. You have to be pretty damn special to me for me to jump into bed with you and even more special for me to want to take the time to get to know you, or let you get to know me. I may flirt a lot, but unless you really have my attention, it doesn't mean anything.

I guess I'm tired and a little bitter or discouraged. I almost want to give up trying to catch someone's interest. Almost. I'm not intending for this to be a pity party. I just needed to vent and get it off my chest.