[EnderD_503]

While technically I don't think anyone is "too screwed up to be loved," I think that it's important to stay in touch with yourself.

I had a lot of baggage by my early 20s from a lot of different experiences, from childhood physical/emotional abuse, being bullied the majority of my school years, blaming myself for what happened to those close to me, having sex/gender issues that I couldn't identify until my early 20s, drug abuse, alcoholism and a whole ton of guilt and hate. It was in my early 20s when I started working out my sex/gender stuff and that's when I really started to work through all the other shit in my life. At that point I really did feel too screwed up for relationships, and every relationship I was in I ended up fucking up because I hadn't yet figured myself out. I was still working through a lot of things, I hadn't learned to see myself in a positive light, was insecure as hell, didn't like myself let alone love myself, how to be open and accepting, communicative and open to communication. After I eventually realised that I pretty much banned myself from committed/serious relationships. Sex/short-term, yes, but long-term/serious relationships? No way. I just couldn't deal with that along with snowballing dysphoria. I needed time to work through myself, understand myself, get to know my triggers, get to know what made me comfortable/uncomfortable, get to know how to communicate, how to even respect someone else truly (something I think many people really don't learn, tbh).

But now I'm in a really awesome relationship with someone I love in ways I couldn't have even imagined possible. I'm nowhere near being perfect and I still have my baggage, and recent crappy events in my life haven't exactly lessened that baggage, but the difference is now I'm more self-aware and open to others.

And the point of me saying all this is that, yeah, sometimes we might just be "too screwed up" to be in a relationship. It doesn't mean we'll never be ready, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with us. It just means that sometimes life hits you with a sack of shit and the stink takes some time to get out of your head. A relationship should be about respect and communication, and if you think that you can't respect the person you love in the way that they deserve because you still have some unresolved things to work through, then maybe it's best to hold off until you have a bit more of a handle on things. It doesn't mean your life or your mental health has to be "perfect," that you have to have gotten rid of all your demons...it just means having that understanding. Knowing when you need space, knowing how to deal with it when someone else needs space, knowing how to communicate and respect each other. I think all of us deserve that.