[imperfect_cupcake]

"I, too, am usually the aggressor and end up attracting a type that doesn't work with my dynamic. I am so not coy. I'm either unable to speak or I just come out with whatever. There's never a middle ground for me."

Right?!? Ugh. Either my personality falls on the floor and smashes into 500,000 pieces and to cover that I go to "aloof" and quietly smiling (yeah. That doesn't work. That says "not interested and polite") or I'm making rude jokes, swearing and telling stories about when I cracked my skull on a rock ha!ha!ha! So when i got out of the water, I had peeled the skin off my scalp and down the front of my face, blood pouring down my face, the German dyke I was trying to impress actually screamed and when first aide came running over she asked me how I felt so I said "sexy." Ha!ha!
Them: horrified stare.
My thought: OK that's been cremated. Ah well. Maybe I should piss off... I've upset a gentile sort that likes bunnies and kittens and meditating with the spirit of the dirt. There is no way this would work if she finds that horrific instead of amusing.

But Martina is right. Some issues people deal with so often, and its such an undercurrent that someones comment may be the last straw on that for the week. And they lose it when they had been patient 35 times before. I'm very guilty of this. Especially around certain things with "not butch enough" because so many of my exes have worn make up ( usually a bit of eyeliner for that punk rock look) and have never been camping (hello, majour European mega cities, its not easy unless to have transport and money) nor fished or chopped wood or been in true darkness and they don't fix stuff- you call the repair people to do it. Who can afford the time/space/tools and training??? Not unless they grew up elsewhere in the countryside and moved to London/Paris/Madrid/Amsterdam. They dress incredibly well for what they can afford (sewing and altering mens clothes from second hand shops to fit properly) and going out to socialise - its important to peacock and look great.

So when I hear judgments coming from femmes about not butch enough" it irritates me because it shows how very tiny their experience of the world is, and how they are assuming masculinity is American Woodcutter all over the globe. With american dating culture rituals. People made jokes in London about femmes who only understood "American Butch" because its small minded and insulting to a lot of butches who are urban and not into that kind of stuff. So when I hear that complaint I feel the worth of all of my partners, who are very Cary Grant style, have a sense of grace that old film stars have... Going down the shitter cause they don't fit a Midwestern US Ideal of manhood... And once again anything seen as "unmasculine" to their locality ... And why a lot of my exes hate the term "masculine" female... Masculine = what men do in the US and there fore the ruler that butch women are held up to in order to qualify.
See? I'm ranting already. And nobody has set me off. You should see what happens when someone does. Occasionally my dates would do it on purpose just to "watch me fly" and then try and get frisky and see if they could make me laugh and calm me down enough for a shag.
Fuck knows what that's about.
Anyway bla blah...
It could be a long term pet chip on their shoulder, like mine. That and femmes being an amorphous Borg that are all similar and thus should all be treated the same formulaic way in romance or sexually or in an argument or bah! Pisses me off.
So yeah sometimes people like me have touch paper issues with things we deal with too much. And have kinda stopped caring about the feelings of people who say them. I'll totally own that.

Ironically, I'm an amazing negotiator for complaints and governance in hospitals when there has been an epic fuck up. But then I'm paid to deal with it.
I also have patience for things other people do not in term of explaining. Toughy and heart have epic amounts of patience. Bless em. But they aren't coddling either.