HB, I think you are trying to get at patterns and cultural conditioning. It may very well be that femmes consider name change more than butches. If so, why? Maybe butches are more reluctant to change their last names. If so, why? These types of questions may very well be worth examining. For me, it does seem to lead to me being placed in the "man-like" camp, which is something I bristle at and really can't relate to. But perhaps there is a fruitful way of talking about it.
People are posting to their own individual experiences because that is how they can relate to the question of name change and marriage. The decision does seem to be very much tied to very personal reasons to me. That is not to say that overall patterns don't exist that aren't worth examining.
For me, when I was younger I did not believe in same sex (or any type) marriage for myself. I wasn't open to the possibility of marriage until I was in my late 30s. I was never unhappy with my last name, and I still am not. I haven't ever thought about changing to a partner's, but if she really wanted me to I would definitely consider it. That is just my personal experience. I don't think it is typical butch or anything like that. It is just me and the life I have led. It is possible I am more part of a butch pattern than I realize, and it doesn't hurt to think about it and examine it further.
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