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princessbelle · 11-07-2013, 09:02 PM

IMO....It's just personal preference like so many, many choices we make in life. I am well aware that there is the hetero-stereotypical thought that when a woman marries a man they change their name. I've done it. Which may appear to cross over a little (?) into the butch femme dynamic.

But. Being gay, the ballgame changes for a lot if not most of us. I also believe most of us try to steer away from the hetero-norm. However, at the same time, i'm a firm believer that you shouldn't steer away from everything that "appears" hetero-norm just for the appearance of doing so while cheating yourself out of your true choices for life.

For example, i've posted a lot about taking the "woman's" hetero-norm role in a relationship when partnered with a butch. I truly went through a long time of feeling guilty about that. Like i was being a bad gay person by taking this sometimes "assumed" role in life for my ID. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm not going to cheat myself out of what i desire just to keep someone from telling me "i shouldn't do that because it is too hetero-norm". What i do in my relationship is my choice. That in itself is the key diff between gay and straight relationships, most of the time anyway.

If i ever get married again and my partner asks me to take their name, i may but not because it is expected. I would do it because i WANT to do it. And while i'm thinking about it, it would be done with a lot more intention and deeper meaning since it is a choice. That is a huge difference, than changing it because it is expected in a hetero relationship. Would i ask someone to take mine? Maybe, again it would be my choice to.

That, to me, is the key difference with lesbians/gay/queer. We get to where we do what we want to do. It's a freedom that a lot of heterosexual people don't really have.

I think it boils down to doing what you and your partner want to do and not worrying about it appearing hetero-norm or not. *We* don't have to do the exact opposite of what the hetero-norm is, anymore than we have to do the exact same.

Hope that made sense. Been a long day.

11-07-2013, 09:02 PM	#174
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,503 Times in 5,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	IMO....It's just personal preference like so many, many choices we make in life. I am well aware that there is the hetero-stereotypical thought that when a woman marries a man they change their name. I've done it. Which may appear to cross over a little (?) into the butch femme dynamic. But. Being gay, the ballgame changes for a lot if not most of us. I also believe most of us try to steer away from the hetero-norm. However, at the same time, i'm a firm believer that you shouldn't steer away from everything that "appears" hetero-norm just for the appearance of doing so while cheating yourself out of your true choices for life. For example, i've posted a lot about taking the "woman's" hetero-norm role in a relationship when partnered with a butch. I truly went through a long time of feeling guilty about that. Like i was being a bad gay person by taking this sometimes "assumed" role in life for my ID. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm not going to cheat myself out of what i desire just to keep someone from telling me "i shouldn't do that because it is too hetero-norm". What i do in my relationship is my choice. That in itself is the key diff between gay and straight relationships, most of the time anyway. If i ever get married again and my partner asks me to take their name, i may but not because it is expected. I would do it because i WANT to do it. And while i'm thinking about it, it would be done with a lot more intention and deeper meaning since it is a choice. That is a huge difference, than changing it because it is expected in a hetero relationship. Would i ask someone to take mine? Maybe, again it would be my choice to. That, to me, is the key difference with lesbians/gay/queer. We get to where we do what we want to do. It's a freedom that a lot of heterosexual people don't really have. I think it boils down to doing what you and your partner want to do and not worrying about it appearing hetero-norm or not. We don't have to do the exact opposite of what the hetero-norm is, anymore than we have to do the exact same. Hope that made sense. Been a long day.