[Toughy]

This may get to rambling so bear with me. I am going to try to address several posts and ideas without quoting the posts.

Many of you know I am a butch woman...that would be 2 genders and female pronouns. Yes I claim more than one gender. And to make things even more complicated, I also have a part of me......the powered up kinky leather Top/Dom......that is male identified and you best call me Syr. That would be 3 different genders occupying the same body, mind and soul. Each express different facets of who I am and how I move in the world.

Because I pass on a daily basis as a man, I understand what white male privilege looks and feels like. I know the difference in how folks relate to me depending on whether they see me as woman or man. I didn't ask for it, I don't want it, however.........I got it and I have to deal with it

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask male id'd and transmen to look at their role in how masculinity is valued over femininity in on-line butch-femme communities. There are 3 b/f websites (US) that I know about. On 2 of them, male pronouns are the default for all that are butch. The jury is out on this website, although I do read the intention that this site will be different.

If a butch decides they are male id'd or an individual decides they are a transman, then you have to take the hard with the easy. If you walk in the world as male/man then you are obligated to address (white) male privilege particularly in on-line space.

Misogyny is played out everyday. It's seen in male pronouns, in fun and fluff stuff that changes man to butch and woman to femme. It is institutionalized in the fabric of our cultures (on-line and r/t).

Men take up huge amounts of space. They are listened to first, they talk more, they talk over women, they discount women and they perpetuate violence against women. JUst watch the Tough Guise video and you will get an idea of what I mean.

It may not be a popular idea, but I do believe that butch/femme space is first a female space. It started that way. Over the years as gender identity came into the culture, this female space has (thankfully) expanded to be inclusive of the varying gender identities that compromise what is now a female queer space.

When I first came on line I was absolutely shocked and dumbfounded to be called he/hy just because I was butch. Only the masculine part of me seen and the woman part of me discounted and/or ignored. I actually came very close to not participating in on-line b/f space.

Male id'd and transmen do change the dynamic of any space they occupy. It's a fact. Men and women act differently. Men and women think differently. Men and women are different. Testosterone changes the way you think and act.

I don't understand why it is unreasonable to suggest that male id'd and transmen step up to the plate and acknowledge their privilege and how it affects interactions. I don't understand why it is unreasonable to expect they will be vocal about dismantling (white) male privilege in all spaces and particularly b/f space.

I think that's all I got right now.