[Girl_On_Fire]

Thank you for the list of awesome resources, The_Lady_Snow. It's appreciated.

One of things that I have learned from abusive relationships is this:

Abusers will attack their targets but the most skilled abuser will convince their targets to attack themselves. Like a carnivore smells prey, the experienced abuser will be able to "sniff out" your greatest weaknesses, insecurities, and doubts and use them against you. It's terrifying and degrading and take years to fully sort out and recover from because for so long, there are no clear-cut lines. Your partner isn't coming home and beating you senseless while you cower in a corner. He (or she) is systematically breaking you down until you eventually don't even know which end is up or what is appropriate anymore. It's a very emotionally scarring experience.

I appreciate all of the warning signs being posted here. I think the key in all of this is that most (not all) but most people who miss what would be considered warning signs come from some sort of abuse or neglect as a child. I honestly believe most people who grew up in loving, healthy, nurturing homes will be able to spot these signs much more quickly than someone who grew up in an abusive home because it will look alien, dangerous, and foreign. And also, most serial abusers are drawn to this type of person because they give off a certain 'vibe' that says they may make an easy/unsuspecting target.

If you've ever asked yourself, "Do I have a sign that says, Abusers Apply Here"? Yes, you do. I've been reading a fascinating book called "The Wisdom of Psychopaths" which delves into the minds of people who have been diagnosed as psychopathic. When tested by being asked to watch say, a dozen different people walk by them, were able to easily pick out someone who was once victimized by a mugging or other attack in their past. It was in their body language and something they just couldn't hide.

Do people who have never been abused still become the targets of abusers? Yes, absolutely but I think it's a bit easier for someone who has already been "softened up" so-to-speak to make an ideal target.

I think that one of the best ways to break the pattern of continually being drawn to or attracting abusers is to learn the true meaning of healthy behavior. It's important to surround yourself with friends and family who respect you and treat you in a healthy, supportive, nurturing way. The more healthy platonic behavior you're exposed to, the more confidence you build up, and the more likely you are to attract this same healthiness in a romantic partnership.