[always2late]

Originally Posted by Teddybear

This is a form of abuse. I know where the abuser to have power over their victim. It can ruin a persons reputation, their livelihood and cause a boat load of problems for them.

Its hard when ur the victim and the abuser keeps threatening to cause problems for you by reporting falsley to the police or to other ppl that you they are the victim when in fact they are the abuser.

They is also the fact where the abuser will set out to ruin the other person for leaving them, standing up for themselves.

I have had everything but my clothing stolen and I believe if they had the chance they would have done something to them also. I have lost to abusers my freedom also. What i have lost to them of worldly possessions doesnt equal what I have lost in me.

I can replace in time what worldly possessions I have lost if i choose to but what I have lost of ME I dont know if I will get back. IM working on it and in time I will see and until then I refuse to allow anyone to have that power over me

Im stepping off my soap box now

Originally Posted by gotoseagrl

The bottom line is: Love is about visible actions, not just words. Someone who truly cares about you & loves you, will always respect & comply with whatever it is you truly need in order to be a healthy person - not only on their terms, but on yours, because no one knows what you need better than you do. Even if this means the two of you are not working out. They should have concerns about their own health & well-being too and should be proactive about that along with you. Someone with a better grip on reality wouldn't let this type of situation continue either. Leaving doesn't mean you didn't love them and give every ounce you had. The fact that there is abuse doesn't mean they don't have a good side or that you are "misjudging" them. It's true relationships take some work sometimes, but shouldn't be at the harmful sacrifice of your being or health til it's depleted & you are left a shell. Being in a relationship of any kind of lifestyle or dynamic is *always* your own consent & everyone has the right to true love, peace and personal boundaries to be respected. No is no. Enough is enough. Goodbye is goodbye. This was way more than I intended to say, but couldn't find a way to leave out any of these points. I really hope anyone out there who is currently in one of these situations will reach their moment of true and lasting clarity, once and for all... asap. It's never too late.

This resonates with me so deeply that it is a bit of a shock. Although I finally recognized the abusive aspects of my past relationship, seeing it in print is still startling. As I posted, the emotional component of abuse can often be overlooked or more readily forgiven. This was true in my case. When I finally got up the courage to break it off, I still didn't recognize the constant harassment, threats of self-harm, hacking into my email accounts, etc...as abuse. Call me naive. What I mostly felt was sadness, and no small measure of guilt (that guilt that abusers count on...the one that takes the form of "Oh no, look what I did to make them behave this way"). It took one action for me to finally see what was happening, and that was when my custody of my son was threatened (i.e. I'm going to go to your ex-husband and tell him A, B, and C about you so you lose your son). THAT was my wakeup call...and when I realized that I had nothing to reproach myself for in leaving the relationship. That was when I realized that the relationship was not, and had never been about, love.