Appearances are just that.. 'Appearances'. I can't count the times I've been told I don't dress butch, my hair is not cut butch, a butch wouldn't do the things I do etc etc.
I have a very good friend who is butch and we have discussed this topic at length.
I, for a long time, questioned whether I was FTM because of an overpowering feeling of identifying as male. She embraces the woman she is. If you put us side by side you'd know in a heartbeat my friend is butch. Absolutely NO doubt about it, but she does not identify as male.
She is a brutally honest friend and I admire this in her. She said once that some butches wore men's underwear and she didn't go for that shit. I told her I wear men's underwear. She asked why?! I told her why then asked her if she wore girl panties. Some of our conversations were hilarious.
Over several summers we talked back and forth on this issue and then she said something that hit home for me. She said that first and foremost she was a woman and that the power of being a woman was to choose how she wanted to be in this life. Her choice, 'as a woman', was to be a butchy butch with all the trimmings she chose.
I understood from what she said that I didn't need to put masculinity into the definition of who/what I was.
It's not my fault they sell some of the clothing I like in the men's section!
We talked about strap on's and dildos and she does not strap on but I do. This does not mean I don't want my vagina! This does not mean I need to fill my jeans to prove a point. This does not mean I want a penis. I simply like how I feel when I strap on. It's a personal choice.
I am an older butch and grew up in a world where there were no words to define what I felt inside. The first word I understood was 'lesbian' and yes by golly I a that! Over the years the labels just keep coming. All in all I find labels extremely confusing. I personally have given up trying to define anybody based on appearances or behavior. What matters to me most now is who I am, what I'm made of in terms of character, who you are, what you're made of in terms of character and that they never take the labels off food cans. Nuff said for now
