Hello Reddirtgirl,
I remember you from the old site. So, it pains me that you are struggling.
The two of you will get through this. It is difficult to put it all into terms.
I actually wrote a few things awhile back. I will share them.
One step at a time and one person at a time. Don't let fear keep
you from showing the proper respects to those you deem worthy.
For my direct family, the sooner I told each individual the better.
It allowed each of them time to absorb the idea and reflect. It allowed me
more time to make myself available for their questions and their need to discuss. I tried to reveal my transition ,in person, as much as possible.
My second method was via phone call.
The coming out to extended family was written in letter form and mailed to each simultaneously. I informed them all because some would be seeing me in person for a family event. mailing the letters allowed time for each to come to their own terms with the idea and to talk to one another. And, later, talk to me in person. Delaying the mass letter mailing had another advantage. My direct family understood much more about being trans and about my personal feelings and thus, allowed them to explain to and talk to extended family.
Each person will respond differently. They are individuals.
I knew that I could not expect acceptance from anyone because I had to allow them the freedom to go through their own process of first trying to understand, ask questions etc ...and then accepting my truth or not. In addition, I had to respect that they had to be able to accept me no matter what and for some it may not be possible. And for the individuals that I knew would accept me no matter what, they would still have to deal with change. It's a big change but you are still the same person they have always known.
It is really difficult when you know that the ones you love will love you
no matter what. But, Red...you are not harming them. It's ok.
I would suggest that you tell your sister first and gather off of her how
to best engage with your mother. Talking to your sister about it first, will also help you. She will have questions etc. and time to think about it and ask you more questions... It will relieve some of the pressure and anxiety on you.
It will also prep you and give you strength for the next round.
My notes are choppy. Wasn't sure i was going to share.
I have not read all of the thread either. Feel free to pm me. Maybe I can
share more. hugs for both of you.
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