[imperfect_cupcake]

I've thought about this a bit more. I don't like formulaic romance. I like goofy, sarcastic and yet sincere under the humour.

The reason I don't like chivalry type romance is because that is what that person does for *everyone* they have been on a date with.

And I don't like that. I like original, humour based, cocky/selfdepricating sweet jokes. Like for instance on butch I really liked, when we played truth or dare, I dared her to put a cucumber down her trousers and take a pic of it. Her response was to get a mate to go out to the cherry trees that were snowing pink petals, lay in a big lawn of them, and pulled out said cucumber out of her fly, hanging out, while posing in a cocky, yet self silly way, rolling around in cherry blossoms.

That, is fucking brilliant. And it made me totally soften.

Or, when I was very down, talking to one of my partners on skype, she was naked from the waist up, wrapped in Saran Wrap to heal a scarification on her diaphragm area, she grabbed her motorcycle helmet, stuck it on her head and moved the camera In front of a giant painting she had of the moon and pretended to float around half naked in Saran Wrap yelling "I'm a space maasaaaaan!"

That totally made me fall in love with her on the spot.

When I met my exwife, came up to me at a party and told me I should try some flats she had stolen out of her mates closet as my feet looked sore. I told her flats give me a rash and she should wear them. So she did. She put on these gold ballet slipper and pioretted around the kitchen in front of everyone, then danced down the hallway. I thought "what an arse! I like her!" Then she came back and curtseyd in front of me. Sarcastically.
"Great." I said "now do that in these." And kicked my stilettos off in front of her. She picked up one of my shoes, stuck her face in it, inhaled deeply (I grinned and laughed) then She pulled all kinds of ass out Betty Grable style poses and generally acted like a clown.
I went to a squat rave with her after the party and bought her beer. She teased the fuck out of me/was a smart ass. Then escorted me to the bathroom every time I wanted to go because it was fucking vile in there and she had to help me keep my balance in my heels so I didn't fall in the pile of crap that was all over the toilet.

When we did finally go on a date, three months later after hanging out as friends, she showed up at my house at 8am with salmon locks, strawberries and champagne. She came in, crawled into my bed without invite (I loved her balls, loved it!!) and patted the quilt and said "here's the bed picnic!" (I had said I loved them). I happily coseid up with her. We drank all the champers and ate the food and got a bottle of pimms and went to the Hamstead Heath women's swimming pond, took off our clothes (we had to keep our underpants on, rules) and swam to the far end. She then attacked me in the water, wrestled my underwear off me, stuck it in her teeth, and swam about hooting. I beat the crap out of her when we got out. We then curled up and took a nap after a drink of pimms.

Those things, to me, are romantic.


So when someone picks me up, treats me formally like a princess all night, walk me to the door and maybe give me a kiss on the cheek and refer to me being a lady, I wind up not heaving a sigh after I close my door, but getting depressed and missing my exes.

But then oodles of people may find my version of a fun day together traumatic.