[imperfect_cupcake]

Very, very hard. I've been the other person twice, without intent but it wound up that way. They started seeing someone else in the process of us getting together and I found the state of mind and emotional bleakness at the time prevented me from having the strength to end it. I needed them, quite badly. That put me in a position of being an option, instead of priority. If I had been casual myself, it would have not mattered. But like I said, I really did need them. And that need, along with my lack of social support, my feeling abandoned by other people at the time and my new city (both times) had me on tenterhooks for their attention and care.

That must have been quite a bit of pressure for them, if they understood it.

Both of them were also very, very bad at self control. They both genuinely cared for me. A lot. It was hard for them too, it was why they couldn't let me go.
But ultimately I was a spare when it wasn't good for me to be a spare.

Previous posts are right. Words mean pretty much close to nothing from people. It's taken me to 45 to finally get that it's actions. And now, I watch very carefully for when actions don't match words. And if that happens repeatedly, after a few times, I'm gone before I get hooked on sentiment, rather than action and reality.

If someone screws up, they will always repeat the mistake. It's up to you to decide if that is the kind of mistake you can live with in someon else - can you be ok with that kind of mistake happening again? If not, then don't go there, leave.

It hurts but you will be learning something really, really valuable. And hope really really hard that YOU won't repeat those mistakes either. I repeated mine for two decades. Till I got hurt so bad I couldn't ignore it anymore. I had to change things about myself. In big ways.

You won't be able to do anything about her. The only thing you will be able to do anything about is you.