[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Thank you Kobi for posting this today. RE: Ray Rice aka Wife beater supreme.

I will just expand to address many, many comments I read on the internet, as well as sports commentators making light of this attack, and more than enough blaming her.

FOX morning news blowhards thought it funny to say 'she should take the stairs' next time. *This assault was in an elevator.

The meme of "Why did she marry him?" "She gets paid enough to be with him." Blaming the victim is status quo and rather ordinary these days. "She started it!" I also read. "They both should be charged!"

"Why did she stay with him?" is the big one. Here are some reasons why:



Do not underestimate the effects of domestic violence on its victims. Abused women experience isolation, shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. Women may not immediately leave an abusive relationship because:
•They fear their abusers will become more violent—perhaps fatal—stalking them if they leave.
•Friends and family may not support their decision to leave.
•They fear being a single parent with little money.
•There are periods of calm, nurturing and love between incidents of violence (see The Cycle of Abuse).
•They may be unaware of sources of advocacy and support.
•They may be unaware of shelters and other resources that offer safety and support.

The reasons women stay in abusive relationships typically fall into three categories.

Lack of resources
•Most abused women have at least one minor child.
•Many abused women are not employed outside the home.
•Many abused women don't have property that is solely theirs.
•In many cases, abusers have cut off access to cash or bank accounts.
•Most abused women fear losing joint assets and custody of their children.
•Abused women fear a lower standard of living for themselves and their children.

Responses by services and authorities
(See How Professionals Can Respond)
•Often, clergy and social workers are trained to "save the family" rather than to stop violence.
•Police often treat incidents of domestic violence as mere "disputes" rather than as serious crimes in which one person is physically assaulting another.
•Police may try to discourage women from pressing criminal charges.
•Attorneys are often reluctant to prosecute cases. Justices rarely assign the maximum sentence or fine possible.
•Restraining orders and peace bonds (see Stalking) do little to prevent abusers from repeating their violent patterns of behavior. Sadly, there are too few shelters to keep women safe.

Traditional thinking
•Many women don't view divorce as a viable alternative.
•Many abused women don't accept the notion of single parenting. They believe a bad father (or in the case of a lesbian relationship, a bad partner) is better than none at all.
•Many women are conditioned to believe they are responsible for making their marriage or relationship work; that if the relationship fails, they have failed as women. Society has often taught these women that their worth is measured by their ability to get and keep a man.
•Many abused women feel isolated from their families and from society. Isolation is either the result of the abuser's possessiveness or jealousy, or it may be an attempt on the part of the victim to hide signs of abuse from the outside world. Either way, such isolation leads many victims to feel they have nowhere to turn.
•Many victims externalize or rationalize the reasons for their abuser's behavior, casting blame of circumstances such as stress, financial hardship, job stress, chemical dependency, etc.
•Between violent episodes, there are periods of calm during which the abuser is charming, nurturing, and caring. Those traits which initially attracted him/her to his/her victim resurface and the victim sees her abuser as a loving person, thereby reinforcing her decision to stay.