Thought provoking topic!
As an aside, I'm a bit amused by the two who told you gay people don't do long term relationships! In my neck of the woods, many if not most I know over 30, women especially, are suburban nesters with lots of gaybies! According to my friends who have kids, most of the time the local PTAs and hockey practices have more queers than the actual queer bars.
Anyway, to answer your question and to add a few things of my own:
I'm fairly open minded when it comes to my "ideal" relationship format though there are a few things I'd need and a few others I'd like.
Firstly, my (eventual) career comes first. She understands it is my number one focus in my life. She is my partner but doesn't expect me to be the throw-myself-on-the-sword type and sacrifice it for her. Her career is something she enjoys too, something which gives her purpose, and is something which makes a positive difference, working for the "greater good." We're both highly independent but close and there for each other when need be.
Monogamous, yes. Mandatory.
Poly, no. Not my thing.
Pets, yes please. The more, the merrier.
Children, hell no. That's a deal breaker.
Lots and lots of romance...
Very active sex life.
Age-wise, I tend to skew older. It's where I find my comfort zone. In the past I've done as large an age gap of 25 years and it was fine. In the future, anywhere from 5-20 would be ideal. Anything over that may cause issues with different life stages or compatibility. I don't date younger.
A relationship between two introverts is ideal. I love the quiet calm of an introvert and the common ground is lovely. Plus, they write the best love letters.
We should mesh on political views and views on religion [left/far left and atheist/agnostic]. That's one area of the relationship where there has to be harmony.
If we live together, I would appreciate separate spaces like our own bedrooms so we're apart when we want to be and together when we want to be. Plus, I'm very particular about my own ideas re: aesthetic and very stubborn to boot! The idea of adjoining spaces with an interconnected door intrigues me, though.
Not a backpacker, per se, but travel, yes, please! Anywhere and everywhere.
Would love to do the expat thing for a few years and this should be an option for the relationship to have long term possibilities. Korea for a few years? Brazil? Denmark? Norway? Definitely.
I don't believe in soulmates.
Best friends would be nice but is not a requirement. I don't think it's fair to your partner to expect to get all your emotional fulfilment from one person.
Undecided about commitment ceremonies and marriage in general. The romantic in me says, "yes." The introvert in me says, "elope!" The socialist in me says, "ehhh, not so much."
Long term, definitely. Life time is ideal and I crave the intimacy that you can only get when you've been partnered with someone a long time and have been together over various life stages.
Some kinks and bdsm but nothing too heavy. No breaking skin or hanging people from hooks, thanks. In the past I've been a (loving) dominant, though it's not a hard line for me. I think I could do mostly vanilla if they were not into it. I also think I
could switch for the right person (maybe) but I will never be a full-on submissive. Like HB, I like a bit of kink but nothing too old guard or strict. No capitalizing of Me, Mine, You, Yours, O/ours, etc., no rigid protocols, no Sir/Syr-ing or Yes Ma'am/Mistress-ing outside the bedroom, no veto powers given on major life decisions for the other person, and FFS no Gorean... We're both adults. Fluid is best.
All that being said, I'm cognizant of the fact that sometimes you meet someone and many of your little "tick" boxes tend to fall by the wayside, so I'm open to different possibilities and to change and to having my views challenged on some of that.
Ultimately, for me, it all has to flow. Each relationship is going to be different and sometimes life throws you curve balls, so I think the key is being open enough to recognize what you can change and knowing yourself well enough to know what you can't.
