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Originally Posted by honeybarbara
For those who ONLY monogamously date people (before you are considered their partner)
are your first dates the first time you have met them?
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That depends on how we know each other. We may have been working together or moving in the same social circles for a while but then we decide to go the date route. Alternatively, I have met people online and then arranged to go from that contact straight to a first date. I have yet to do a blind date and doubt I ever would. I'm too much of a control freak for that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
Do you become monogamous right after the first time you meet them, on that first date?
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Yes, assuming there is a meaningful connection but not by spoken agreement. I am very focussed and when someone gets my attention they get it in full. I would not feel comfortable pursuing something else until I had followed the current path to its conclusion.
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Originally Posted by honeybarbara
Do you need to have a crush on them right after the first date?
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I don't need to, no, but it would be likely if it was going to continue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
If you have two people ask you out on a date from a dating site, let's say, and you don't know either of them, but they both sound nice, and you only talk to both of them a little bit before they asked, how do you decide which one you will monogamously date?
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I'd just have to make a judgement call based on the compatibility in the two conversations, however limited. I've been in situations of talking to a few people at the same time in a getting to know you way but there is always one clear leader.
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
And if you go out on five dates with one and it doesn't work out, have you slept with that person once?
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Perhaps, but that's really on a case by case basis.
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
So it doesn't work out... You slept with them once, it's just not working after five dates... Do you go back to the first one you thought was nice as well and say "hi... Um... Oops! Wrong choice, let's try dating!"?
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Unlikely. If they didn't make it to first choice then there would have been a reason. I guess there's a possibility that you end up chatting again and discover that you have more in common and then that would be like starting afresh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
Do you need to have a crush on someone to date them?
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No but based on past experience, those were probably ones I shouldn't have pursued. I think in part these answers are skewed in that I do a lot of prep work before a first date. If, after all of that, I don't feel something then it should probably stay platonic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
Do you have heavy crushes on people before you sleep with them or know them well?
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Absolutely. Intimacy is far beyond the physical for me and that's not something I can do without a certain connection. For the avoidance of doubt, I know others can and I totally respect that.
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Originally Posted by honeybarbara
If you haven't slept with someone yet and someone else asks you out on a date, would you say yes if you thought they were attractive (as a person) and you were curious ?
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No. My focus makes me monogamous not my sexual acts. I don't tend to live this sort of life though where I have attractive femmes throwing themselves at me left, right and centre!
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara
Does monogamously dating only count if you are sleeping with the person? If you aren't sleeping with them yet can you still date other people and still consider yourself a monogamous dater? Or is it from the first date, right there that you can only date them, even if you haven't slept together yet?
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I don't have a rule like this but it's my preference to follow my focus. If there's one person that I'm thinking about, getting to know, crushing on etc. then I just wouldn't want to be intimate with anyone else. It would feel unpleasant.
I hope this helps.