It sort of helps. It kind of explains why I can't wrap my head around it. There are just so many differences to the intimacy for me... that I can't imagine the emotions around it even slightly. Just that its' completely foreign to me.
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Yes, assuming there is a meaningful connection but not by spoken agreement. I am very focussed and when someone gets my attention they get it in full. I would not feel comfortable pursuing something else until I had followed the current path to its conclusion.
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This is where some of the differences start, right away. At the first date I don't see myself as perusing anything at all. If this is the first time I've hung out with them, then I am absolutely not pursuing anything. I am only getting to know them to *see* if I want to pursue anything. So if I go out on dates with other people the same thing happens - I am not pursuing them either. I am merely getting to know them to see if I *want* to. It may take many dates for me to decide if I want to pursue anything with them.
so someone plonking a "lets be monogamous" statement after the first date scares the living shit out of me. But I don't know you. I don't know you well enough to know if I want to pursue something with you. Why are you requesting this when IMO you don't know me from a hole in the ground. It really does scare me off because I can't possibly imagine have that much focus and certainty on someone without knowing them well. I don't feel emotionally intimate and connected to someone unless there is trust. And that is well earned by knowing who they are. I am actually a very sensitive girl, and I keep my really soft parts protected until I know someone. In person. Not just yapping on line.
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Absolutely. Intimacy is far beyond the physical for me and that's not something I can do without a certain connection. For the avoidance of doubt, I know others can and I totally respect that.
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I agree intimacy is far beyond physical for me too. But I'm the other way round. I can only become emotionally connected in a real way, *IF* I know we match erotically and sexually. I have found out the very tough way that people on paper can match complimentary to me (dominant to my submissive, masculine to my feminine) but in practice, it can be way, way off. So I find it near impossible to have a crush on someone before someone shags me into next week with blinding chemistry that matches up. I suppose sex is such a part of me - I see sex as other people see football or hockey or painting or art collecting - that I have learned very hard lessons about things really, seriously not being there when on paper they should.
So, my crushes just don't happen until that bedroom magic explodes in technicolour surround sound. Everything else has to be there too, of course.
I sort of intellectually get it. Slightly.
I guess?
If you ask someone out on a date you know in person for a while, and have been hanging out a bit and you know you get along and there's chemistry and developing good friendship *first*? then I get the asking to be monog with dating. But it being the first time I've met them?? that really makes me panic. I couldn't possibly put expectations on someone I don't know.
Hmn. Thank for the MB. I appreciate the feedback.