[Gemme]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

For those who ONLY monogamously date people (before you are considered their partner)

are your first dates the first time you have met them?

Not usually.

Do you become monogamous right after the first time you meet them, on that first date?


Not usually.

That would have to be one helluva date for that to happen.

Do you need to have a crush on them right after the first date?

Need to?

No.

Do I?

Sometimes.

If you have two people ask you out on a date from a dating site, let's say, and you don't know either of them, but they both sound nice, and you only talk to both of them a little bit before they asked, how do you decide which one you will monogamously date? And if you go out on five dates with one and it doesn't work out, have you slept with that person once?
So it doesn't work out... You slept with them once, it's just not working after five dates... Do you go back to the first one you thought was nice as well and say "hi... Um... Oops! Wrong choice, let's try dating!"

Initial dates are introductions. I am not indebted to them to be monogamous right off the bat and neither are they.

I've been physically intimate with someone very quickly after meeting them and also a very long time after meeting them. It depends on my intentions and what's going on between my ears, to be honest. When I decide to have sex with someone, it's based 10% on them and 90% on me.

I don't understand your scenario. I would have continued to see both people and let them know that we are not exclusive. Dating monogamously doesn't mean 'either or' for me. Dating monogamously means a higher level of exclusivity to me. In the situation you've outlined, I would express to them both that we are still learning about one another but we not exclusive until we say we are. At that point, I would make my choice.

Do you need to have a crush on someone to date them?

No.

Do you have heavy crushes on people before you sleep with them or know them well?

Sometimes.

If you haven't slept with someone yet and someone else asks you out on a date, would you say yes if you thought they were attractive (as a person) and you were curious ?

If we have not mutually decided to be monogamous, yes. If we have, no.

Does monogamously dating only count if you are sleeping with the person? If you aren't sleeping with them yet can you still date other people and still consider yourself a monogamous dater? Or is it from the first date, right there that you can only date them, even if you haven't slept together yet?

I am more of a serial monogamist, but I feel that until both parties agree upon the conditions and parameters of the relationship (exclusivity, boundaries, hard limits, deal breakers, etc), then each party can date whomever they choose. They are not exclusive until they say they are. It's not an assumption for me.