Quote:
Originally Posted by Firedance
I have a new favorite Blog. It's all about OFOS, and WHY it STILL matters! Disclaimer, this is written by a cis-guy, but manners transcend gender don't they?
Here is a sample of the amazing writing...
A Gentleman’s Chivalry Acts Explained in Practicality.
I have always been of the mind that in a democracy manners are the only effective weapons against the bowie-knife.
James Russell Lowell
We can find countless articles online praising and criticizing the most evident acts of Chivalry a Gentleman can do towards a lady; holding doors open, opening car doors, and pulling chairs. Those that comment against them, usually do so out of either a lack of manners or simply not understanding why these acts are done. I can’t really blame their ignorance on the topic, because they are not really interested in it. What really surprises me is the lack of understanding by those who profess being Gentlemen. That is why so many of those “Is Chivalry dead” debates end up with the Gentleman thrashed by their counterpart.
If you don’t understand what you are doing and more importantly WHY you are doing it, your actions become simply a pantomime, and imitation, that ends up looking awkward. This is especially true if we don’t have a sense of empathy towards the person in the receiving end of the action. Keep in mind that manners are nothing more than a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. With that in mind, let’s break down the practicality of some of the more typical actions that can be expected from a Gentleman.
Opening a door for a Lady
Let me start by clarifying, this has nothing to do with a Gentleman thinking women can’t open their own doors. It came from two specific traditions, the overelaborate clothing women used to wear and the role of the Gentleman as a Bodyguard. First off, a woman’s skirt was so wide, they couldn’t even reach the door handle. That is no longer the case, so we don’t need to take this into account any longer. The second is the role of the Bodyguard, of creating a safe environment for women. This is something that still needs to be maintained and even promoted.
A gentleman will open a door first, making sure that the room is safe for her to enter. As she enters, he is able to scan the surroundings to make sure that the area is safe. As he enters after her, the lady is kept from having her back to the door. You might think this seems somewhat paranoid and overly cautious. Just take a few minutes viewing some of the stories of what the ladies have to deal with in a daily basis, and then tell me I am being overly cautious.
Walking a Lady to her door.
Again, as with opening doors, this is all about providing a safe environment for the Lady. Just refer to “Opening a door for a Lady” for a better explanation........ (shortened for brevity)
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This is a marvelous article. (By the way, I just found this thread, and HAD to comment.)
I remember the first time that I went out with someone, after I had started transition. I was out with my date, and my friend, as we had all arranged to meet in Oklahoma City for the night, and we went walking. They ensured that I was placed in the middle, for my protection. Even though I had been a Marine, they were both combat vets, and knew that I had never seen combat. We had gone walking, and were outside of the gay district, in that town, so they wanted to ensure my safety.
They were trying to protect me, in case of an attack by a group of people. Mind you, knowing me, I'd have done my best to help fight the attackers off, I greatly appreciated their consideration, and would have done my best to follow their orders (not that I liked the orders all that much).
To me, protection and courtesy is very important. I treasure the little things, as I never received them, before I transitioned.