I sit in my chair…watching the fire…surrounded by sleeping four pawed babies that we both love so much…I am settled in with a new book, a good glass of bourbon and of course a good cigar…the fire crackles and the music plays softly…and as I look out onto the back deck…there is a light snowfall on this New Years Day.
I smile a deep deep smile and sigh contentedly and I let myself remember a New Years Eve some few years ago now…it seems so far away and yet as if it was yesterday…I remember that New Years Day - for much like tonight I sat with a bourbon and a cigar - I was not “unhappy”, but certainly not “content”. My life was “ok” - but I knew there could be more - I thought of my grandfather and how he loved my grandmother so - and I wanted that in my life - not just “someone” but “the” one that would fill my heart to overflow…so, I prayed….my prayers were heard and on just some days later on a cold January day - I saw the most beautiful smile I have ever seen before in my life…and that smile took my breath away…surely this was the smile of an angel….and I have been the recipient of that smile now everyday since…for that smile belonged to you…and you do indeed take my breath away - every.single.day. I know I have said this so many times…but I don’t think I could ever say it enough…you are the single most beautiful woman I have ever seen…and your heart makes you even more beautiful if that is even possible. I shake my head in wonder at how I am the one that is so blessed to hold your heart within my own…what grace is it inside you that sees something in me that is worthy of such love…
I didn’t know one heart could hold such happiness as loving you causes…indeed I am not the Grinch but I do know what the it means to have your heart grow bigger each day…because that is what loving you does to my heart…it expands each day to hold more love for you and it just grows deeper and deeper and I know now such a love as my grandfather spoke of and what he shared with my grandmother.
I have said many times I wished I was a poet so that I could scribe such words of depth and beauty and grace that would even half way begin to show the depth of my love and devotion…I’m convinced there are not enough words to do that…and no matter how many times I try to convey it - no matter how many ways I try to convey it….or the crumpled up papers on my desk for not getting it “right” for the letters I send or the journal entries I make…there is still something deep inside me that draws me to the pen and the paper or the keyboard to somehow “write” it out….to fill the paper with love ..and have the ink flow with devotion….but in the end - the words always come out the same and it never seems enough - and yet when I hear those same words from you back to me whispered in my ear…this big ole’ southern boy turns into a little boy and my heart races and literally pounds inside my chest….those same words that at times never seem enough - but when said with “love” surely are more than enough when you whisper in my ear….”i love you” and my arms encircle you…and I lean down as I whisper right back…”and I love you too”…and the beauty of your smile is just as bright and brilliant and beautiful as it was the first day I saw it - and your kiss is as gentle as the lightly falling snow…..and my breath catches in my throat…because you are indeed the reason my heart bursts with happiness and I know the meaning of complete contentment. I am blessed beyond measure and grateful for every moment that we share on our journey together as one….
Happy New Year, my sweet love…I can’t wait to see what the New Year holds for “us”…I love you.
