[imperfect_cupcake]

I've been in several long distance relationships. When I first came out and knew I was femme, I was on vancouver island, and there wasn't very many butches or genderqueer there at that point. I met people through computer dating and my first butch partner was in NYC. It lasted four years. It only worked because I was in school and she was quite wealthy - I had time to be able to fly to her for longer periods of time, and she had the money to get me there.
Then when that one ended, I saw someone for two years in Boston. Same situation.
Then Texas for about 8 months, then Oakland for four months, then Manchester for two and a half years, I moved to the UK for a job offer and because I was in love though I moved to a different city.

Long distance in the UK was only about a three hour train ride. That never bothered me. Long distance in North America often means a plane ride and crossing borders for me. That's an entirely different thing to deal with.

I am actually pretty ok with shorter long distance. Like I would be happy to date someone who lived in seattle who had time to travel up to see me - I can't go there as the kind of school I'm in now is so intensified, I just don't have the time, nor the money.

When I do graduate, I will only be working three days a week with a good wage. I'd be happy to do long weekends in Seattle semi regularly.

However, I really, really doubt I would move to the U.S. I don't like how religious it is and I don't like the gun thing. Plus there are a few other things like health care that make me extremely anxious about living in the states ever again.

I do not wish to live with a partner, though. Happy to live in the same building but different floor. I'm most certainly not going to move into someone's house in the country. Or the burbs. That would find that depressing and isolating for me. I'm not that girl.

I'm perfectly happy us keeping our own space. Me in the city in a small apartment and my cat, them where they prefer to be with their three dogs and strange ideas about decorating. I'm also never going to be doing the house work. I'm not that girl either. Happy to be a cook for a weekend, if they do the dishes, and do some mending if they don't know how, but I'd rather spend time together talking, going out to museums, films, lectures, a pub whatever than spend time re-organizing a closet or vacuuming, while they tinker at something else and you have dinner together and watch some tv while chatting and surfing the net. I know that is some peoples domestic bliss, and more power to you, but I've done it and I can't stand it.

Eventually I would prefer living in the same city. I've never had a long distance thing last longer than four years. I also don't want something where if we have an arguement or something happens, we can manage to get to see each other in a matter of a couple hours transit and one that doesn't involve relying on a plane. Hoping into a car and being able to see me on a whim in three hours or less is rather do able. Having to drive for seven, not so much. For me, it's not really doable. I've done cross border with cross continent for years at a time and it's heartbreaking for me. Especially when something goes wrong and one of you needs the other person. I've done it through the death of someones parent and the death of someone's sibling and it really fucking awful. It's no way, for me, to have a permenant relationship.

If they lived two or three hours away, sure. I could do that. Five hours away? Seven hours away? No. I don't think I could. Not any more. Not unless not only did I have lots of long weekends off, but they could work from home and we were both wealthy enough to afford plane tickets booked on the same day.