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Kelt · 03-24-2015, 07:08 PM

MsTinkerbelly, you are 100% right. Fortunately the facilities I've gone to seem to be eager to show off their reports and other awards for excellence for bragging rights.

We have been picking up menus and as I schedule the next round of places for my mother on the next trip I've been setting up lunch tours where we will look each place over and then go over the details while having lunch in the dining room with the residents.

The place where my father is also warned us about valuables and we are labeling everything. They gave us a lockbox for any valuables and I put his electric razor in it. Unfortunately, my mother only remembered to give it to him once in two weeks, so I just put in in a drawer where aides can give it to him and if it grows legs I'll just get him another.

So today has been going swimmingly, me making tons of calls and setting appts, making spreadsheets to compare everything (

there's always a silver lining) and making several really good quality contacts. I found what I believe to be a really good hospice outfit and am setting up a sit down with the intake nurse for my next trip over so that I can get that into place when the Medicare 100 is over. So, I called the social worker to verify the quality of the hospice orginization and that they like to work with them and....

**** Trigger portion ****

Only one problem.

My father has quit participating in anything. Refusing to get out of bed, go to therapy, eat, anything. So when I called, she told me that they had a conference this morning about him and the Dr will see him tommorow morning. I was clear with my father about how this works: if he makes progress in any of the three therapy areas and participates, Medicare picks up the tab: if he doesn't, they won't.

So now, we are setting up a teleconference call "care conference" on Friday, with all departments and both my mother and father present. I have to figure out how to talk to a man who can't speak, on the phone, in a room full of people he isn't cooperating with, from several hundred miles away...

I, and they, believe he is trying to die. I don't blame him, I would too, this is his living nightmare. He lives in a state with "Death with Dignity" laws, but he has to be able to make verbal requests and self administer the drugs to carry it out.

I seriously don't know what the f*ck to do.

I already pulled the plug once. 6 weeks ago in the hospital they called it at 72 hours and with his medical directive against feeding tubes and DNR in place, signed him off to the 'end of days' type hospice and authorized the fluid IV to be pulled so he would die faster of dehydration. The next morning right before transport got there he woke up. Now here we are. I dunno. Now the only way this works for him is to die of starvation and that will probably break my mother.

Well, once again, thanks for listening.

03-24-2015, 07:08 PM	#106
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,289 Times in 2,539 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Trigger warning: death and assisted death discussed MsTinkerbelly, you are 100% right. Fortunately the facilities I've gone to seem to be eager to show off their reports and other awards for excellence for bragging rights. We have been picking up menus and as I schedule the next round of places for my mother on the next trip I've been setting up lunch tours where we will look each place over and then go over the details while having lunch in the dining room with the residents. The place where my father is also warned us about valuables and we are labeling everything. They gave us a lockbox for any valuables and I put his electric razor in it. Unfortunately, my mother only remembered to give it to him once in two weeks, so I just put in in a drawer where aides can give it to him and if it grows legs I'll just get him another. So today has been going swimmingly, me making tons of calls and setting appts, making spreadsheets to compare everything ( there's always a silver lining) and making several really good quality contacts. I found what I believe to be a really good hospice outfit and am setting up a sit down with the intake nurse for my next trip over so that I can get that into place when the Medicare 100 is over. So, I called the social worker to verify the quality of the hospice orginization and that they like to work with them and.... ** Trigger portion ** Only one problem. My father has quit participating in anything. Refusing to get out of bed, go to therapy, eat, anything. So when I called, she told me that they had a conference this morning about him and the Dr will see him tommorow morning. I was clear with my father about how this works: if he makes progress in any of the three therapy areas and participates, Medicare picks up the tab: if he doesn't, they won't. So now, we are setting up a teleconference call "care conference" on Friday, with all departments and both my mother and father present. I have to figure out how to talk to a man who can't speak, on the phone, in a room full of people he isn't cooperating with, from several hundred miles away... I, and they, believe he is trying to die. I don't blame him, I would too, this is his living nightmare. He lives in a state with "Death with Dignity" laws, but he has to be able to make verbal requests and self administer the drugs to carry it out. I seriously don't know what the f*ck to do. I already pulled the plug once. 6 weeks ago in the hospital they called it at 72 hours and with his medical directive against feeding tubes and DNR in place, signed him off to the 'end of days' type hospice and authorized the fluid IV to be pulled so he would die faster of dehydration. The next morning right before transport got there he woke up. Now here we are. I dunno. Now the only way this works for him is to die of starvation and that will probably break my mother. Well, once again, thanks for listening.